Sunday, May 19, 2013

Life is a Crazy Thing.

Umm, yeah. So... that whole blog challenge? I'm done with it. DONE. WITH. IT.

Because, it was stressful and was starting to make me a lotta bit crazy. I started to hate my blog just a teeeensy bit and once that happened, I was done. My blog is my baby, and I refuse to do anything that will make me dislike it even a little bit. SO, if you liked it, sorry. Life is just too dang crazy these days.

But, what I really wanted to talk about, which I'm sure you're all SICK TO DEATH of hearing about... I seriously, still can't believe that I teach relief society. I stress myself out to no end about it, because I really want people to get something out of my lessons. I never feel like I have enough material. I feel really scatterbrained. I feel SO inadequate the entire time. But, it always turns out great. And someone even told me today that I was her favorite, I was meant to be a teacher. You guys, I almost cried a little because I was so touched. I obviously waited until I was in the car to feel that, but still. Intense. It helps that it's from this girl that I look to A LOT while I'm teaching. She always looks so engrossed in what I'm saying... it's weird. We share a bond, people. Okay?

I always feel so great after I teach. I feel like I was really meant to do be called as a teacher for the specific girls in my ward. But, inbetween? It's hard to remember that sometimes. And I send myself into a panic, "I can't do this! I don't want to! What is God thinking? Calling me as a teacher?" But, I trust that God knows where he wants me to be and He knows what he wants me to be doing. He's using me to bless others. He's blessing me by challenging me in ways I never thought I was capable of being challenged in. (That's the point though, isn't it? Ha!)

As much as I freak out before, I always feel this immense reassurance afterwards. And it's amazing. It's amazing to me STILL that God loves me so much, that He is guiding my life, that He is in the details. He knows what I struggle with, He knows what needs strengthening, He knows how to bless me. I've never felt as though I've had the strongest relationship with God, but I think I just haven't realized that we have a different relationship than "the norm". And really, why didn't I expect that? Nothing is normal for me. And as I've been uncovering this great relationship, I've never felt more in sync with the gospel. Never felt more... right, about it. And what I'm doing.

I always stress about crying... seriously. I'm a crier. I really need to just accept that. I really need to put tissues in my church bag too... ha! And maybe invest in some waterproof mascara? And only wear it on the Sunday's that I teach? Haha! But really. I have taught twice and I have cried both times. It's just how I roll, I guess.

Guys, I can't even believe, still, how incredibly blessed I am. In my personal struggles, my family, my work. I am SO blessed. I am blessed so much more than I deserve.

I hope all of you have the best week this week. I really do.
Thanks for stopping by!

     Reille K.

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