Thursday, March 16, 2017

i'm a changed woman.

So this week, I've been re-reading for the millionth time, one of my favorite books. The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen. She's my favorite author and I love pretty much all of her books. I wanted to talk about a quote from that book that helped me realize something about my own life.

"I'd been through so much, falling short again and again, and only recently had found a place where who I was, right now, was enough." 

As I read that, I thought about how I used to feel that way before I went through the temple. I always thought that any slip up, whether big or small, was a shortcoming. That I was just screwing everything up and that I would never get it right. I felt so inadequate. And I didn't fully comprehend that those were my feelings until pretty recently. I felt like I had to be absolutely 100% perfect in order to be worthy to go to the temple. Especially to go THROUGH the temple. And that was a big part of why I was so confused when Heavenly Father told me I needed to take out my endowment. But, I did it anyway because I trust Him. I was really nervous that I would feel trapped by the endowment. Once you do it, you can't really go back on that. I mean, you can, but... it's not really that simple. Ya dig?

After I went through the temple, I tried to make it a pretty regular habit. I went as often as I possibly could and found that I didn't feel inadequate anymore. I felt like I was right where I needed to be for me, and for those who I would serve by being temple worthy. I felt... bright, filled, and free. It's like the new knowledge and protection I had from the ordinance and the covenant I made broke whatever chains I may have not realized were there and I remembered that I have wings! I feel so much more available to the Spirit now. And part of that likely comes from the way that it all happened and how I learned how better to listen to that Spirit and the way that it speaks to me. But that's so important.

It all feels kinda weird, because I don't feel like I need to be "perfect" to be in the temple anymore. The temple is where I go when you feel broken, tired, and weary. When I'm celebrating, happy, and grateful. I go to the temple, not because I'm perfect, but because I'm not perfect. Because I can't do it alone. Because I don't WANT to do it alone. With the temple, I feel... ENOUGH. Just as I am, and just where I am, RIGHT NOW. More enough than I ever felt before I was endowed. 

If you're feeling a little less than enough, I would encourage you to take a trip to the temple this coming week. Whether that's a trip to the inside, or to the outside. Just go. And be still there for a while. You might be surprised by what you find. 

Reille K. :)

Thursday, February 23, 2017

the month I fell off the face of the earth and my niece was born.

I kinda fell off the face of the planet this month.  I stayed home sick for three and a half? days (I’m really hoping I entered all this into my timecard before I left for vacation because it’s all a blur now… I’m like 90% sure that I did) within the two weeks before I went on my required 40 hour vacation (which, myself and my parents flew to Colorado to meet my new niece, who I talk about later on in this post). And the days that I didn’t stay home, I was miserable and grumpy and had no voice. I’m currently in the middle of a second round of antibiotics because I had a sinus infection (round one) that morphed into an ear infection (round two). So, it’s been kind of a weird few weeks.

In the middle all the sickness hullabaloo, my sweet little niece, Hailey, was born. Instant obsession (I mean, who isn’t instantly obsessed with their nieces and nephews?). She was just a tiny little gummy bear, weighing 4lbs 11oz and measuring 17 inches when she was born. She came via an emergency c-section because she was in distress. Which is huge a blessing because she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, wrist, and legs. So, had she been born vaginally, she probably wouldn’t have survived birth. They did discover after she was born, that she was missing her right tibia (the big weight bearing bone in the lower leg) which makes her foot turn in as well. I know, you didn’t even know that was a thing, right? Neither did we. From what the internet has told us (because Google has been my family’s best friend for the past week), there’s a one in a million chance to be born without a tibia. More often a child is born without the fibula, which is the smaller, side bone in the lower leg. So, there’s not a TON of information about it, but there is enough that we’ve found some resources. There are a few options with these kinds of conditions, ranging from reconstruction to amputation. Depending on what kind of joints and other bones they have to work with. My sister and brother-in-law have only gotten one opinion so far, and there is still a lot of time before any decisions have to be made, so no definitive plans moving forward yet. Other than missing a bone, she is perfectly healthy.

So many people have been instantly supportive and it always has and always will amaze me how people can and will come together when something kind of big and scary is happening to someone they know. If you have been part of that, or become part of that in the future, thank you. Every text, Facebook comment, Instagram like, email, prayer – they mean so much. All in all, I think I can speak for the whole fam in saying that we just feel tremendously privileged to have the opportunity to be part of raising this sweet little babe. Her parents are AMAZING (I’m totally not biased) and have been being prepared for this wonderful little soul for a long time. She is so strong and just filled with light. It’s definitely not going to be easy, and this is just the beginning, but it will be so worth it. I can feel how amazing Hailey is already, and I think she is going to touch a lot of lives. The future is a little scary, but, I also feel a lot of comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father has put her in the hands of my sister and brother-in-law. And all of her aunts and uncles and grandparents… we will all be there to support her, and learn from her, and love her. It will all be okay in the end, and it will all go exactly as Heavenly Father has planned it. I just know it.
Not a fan of being unwrapped and cold

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

"But you gotta have faith, faith, faith!"

In 2016, I finally FINALLY figured out how to have faith in God's timing with ALL things. Something that I have struggled with since I was 18. Faith in his plan, I had (and have). Because he told me that I didn't have to go on a mission (because I actually didn't want to go on a mission, sue me) and I met my two very best friends in the time that I would have been gone. AND did SO many baptisms for the dead because I went every week for a year. Three HUGE things that have impacted my life in a big way! But the timing of that plan? My faith in that was... lacking. The experience that I had with God telling me to go through the temple at the time that He did... was kinda nuts. I thought it was a terrible thing, because (this might sound totally stupid) it felt like I was giving up on finding a husband. Because in my head, the endowment was directly linked to MARRIAGE, MISSION, OR OLD MAIDS. (!!!) And the fact that he was telling me to do it without any of those things being on the table, made me feel like... He wasn't listening to me. Hearing my prayers. Because it wasn't MY timing. I just wanted a man, dangit! And I kinda hate typing that out loud. But it really is how I felt. 
I read an article that was talked about how the endowment is not a "stepping stone covenant". And that totally changed the way I was thinking. Because it's not! The endowment, on it's own, is a saving ordinance. Like, duh Reille. And I've realized that with receiving my endowment, and being a temple going lady, Heavenly Father was making me into the woman I need to be in order to be ready for marriage. To be the type of woman that the guy He has in store for me is looking for. To fulfill my eternal potential. To give Him the tools to answer all dem prayers I was prayin'!
Now that I've been endowed for... 9 months... I can see it. I can see how the temple was integral to the Master Plan for me. I became exponentially more spiritual and spiritually minded since going through the temple. I'm in less of a hurry to marry myself off to someone. I'm learning how to enjoy the growth of this period in my life. And how that's going to positively affect my future romantic relationship(s?). And I understand so much more of the gospel and it's teachings than I ever have in the past.
Hindsight is 20/20. But the lesson lies within the hindsight, most of the time. God knows what and who you need to become, in order for you to be able to do the things He knows you want to do. And He's going to make those things happen for you. I promise. And I KNOW it's so freaking hard to have faith in the timing of everything. It really is. But, if you look back on your life... has He ever led you to something bad? God has so many awesome blessings in store for you. Better than you could ever dream up for yourself.

I hope that you can find something wonderful to hold on to, that will help you when hard things are happening. Like, the memory that you would think of to cast a patronus. 

Reille K. :)

Sunday, January 22, 2017

i never know what to title my posts.

I feel like Jessica just wants me to blog all the time. Which, I don't blame her. I just think its funny. We have #samebrain so we just get each other. I generally feel like I have a healthier, happier brain space when I just blog it out (which, most of my blog posts are me free writing and not thinking too much about things), and I think she remembers that more than I do. *insert crying laughing emoji here*.

I've been in a major funk lately when it comes to the social medias. I feel like what I have to say is not pretty enough. Eloquent enough. Or sparkly enough. For the "fancy" medias like Instagram. I feel like I'm only good enough for the "ratchet" medias like Snapchat. Which, wouldn't bother me so much if I always felt that way. Like... I hate, HATE that I have anxieties surrounding social media now because I used to literally post whatever and not give it a second thought. Now whenever I go to post, I can't find the words to say and I usually have thoughts like, "Screw it, it's not important. I'm just not going to post anything". So I don't. And then I have all these thoughts that were prepping themselves to be shared floating around up there with no where else to go. It makes me only marginally more crazy than I am in general. 

So, I think, I want to attempt to write more? I question it because I've said that a MILLION times and it just never happens. It's like, when you're terrible at journaling and you always start out your entry with, "Sorry I haven't written in a while, let me catch you up,". But, there was a time when I was writing a post basically every day. And most days I would write one post, and then have more to say about something else, so I would end u with more than one post a day! That seems crazy to me now. I feel a lot more... closed off than I once was. I feel like... people just don't care THAT much about what I have to say. Do I even have that much to say anymore? I don't know. But, I think I'm gonna attempt to get back into it. Because writing and putting it out there is much better for my brainspace than just laying in my bed and bingeing (is that really how you spell that? It looks gross... but if you take out the 'e' it;s binging...) on Netflix or Hulu (my current obsession is Smallville) all evening, EVERY evening. And wallowing in my thoughts. And scrolling and scrolling through Instagram and Pinterst and the like. Action feels better than inaction. I don't know. We're just gonna take this one day at a time. 

Also, I tried to change my sign off phrase or whatever you want to call it, and I hated it and couldn't ever remember it. So I'm gonna just stick with "Cheers" until I die, k? K. 

I hope you have a great week. And that nothing sucks too much. 

Reille K. :) 

Sunday, November 27, 2016

um hi.

Today is one of those days that I just kind of never want to forget. You know those days when you feel like you are spiritually in your element? Like, your comments in class all come out perfectly. Anything you are asked to do, you feel totally capable and it goes really well? Today was one of those days for me. 

I felt so on top of my game! I had lots to say in Sunday School, and I didn't get all nervous and flustered and my face didn't turn bright red with the stress. Which, hasn't happened in a REALLY long time. When I first started going to the single's ward, I was a mess. I was so shy and I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't talk to anyone. But I forced myself to make comments in class and participate. And then I was called to be a RS teacher after a few months in the ward. I could comment in class until my face turned blue, I was so okay with it at that point. And then I stopped being a teacher. And then a bunch of new people got put in our ward. And it was no longer this cozy little den of a ward. It felt like we had been invaded (no longer feels that way, btw), and these newbies were all beautiful and way more spiritual than me and I was no longer good enough to comment in class. So I stopped. And when I did comment, my voice was all shaky with Nervous. And my face and my ears would turn red because of stress and vulnerability. And that was hard. I had a hard time with that. 

But lately, I've been trying really hard to be more vulnerable. This is not the first time I have had to really work on that. I have a hard time being vulnerable in large groups of people. It's hard to let people love me. To let them look at me and see me. And SEE me for me. But, I also love the rush of participating in class, and helping others feel the spirit. And sharing my insights with "outside my brain" peeps. 

I gave the thought at ward prayer tonight because I was one) lazy and didn't want to go through the trouble of finding someone at church to do it. And two) I feel like I should sometimes take a turn when I am having to ask other people to do it. 
And you guys. I was clearly inspired to give the thought that I gave. And it was so cool. Aside from the fact that I cried A LOT. Like, the whole time, basically. 

I talked about how I was kinda freaking out when I was preparing to go through the temple. How I knew that it was from God, and I knew that God wanted me to do this and HE knew I was ready, but I just didn't know if I thought I was ready. I didn't FEEL ready. I went into April's general conference just pleading with Heavenly Father to give me SOMETHING. Something to help me feel okay with all of it. And during Elder Gerrit W. Gong's talk, "Always Remember Him", there was a paragraph or two that were the answer to MY prayer.  

"...we can always remember Him by trusting when the Lord assures us, “He who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.”...
Once we repent and priesthood leaders declare us worthy, we need not continue to confess and confess these past sins. To be worthy does not mean to be perfect. Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness invites us to be humbly at peace on our life’s journey to someday become perfected in Christ, not constantly worried, frustrated, or unhappy in our imperfections today. Remember, He knows all the things we don’t want anyone else to know about us—and loves us still."

As soon as I heard this part of the talk, I was immediately overwhelmed with peace. I knew that I was ready... because God knew I was ready. If we do the things that God asks us to do, even when we don't feel ready or adequate or ENOUGH, he will bless us. He was bless us ESPECIALLY if we feel  unready, inadequate and less than enough and we do it anyway. If we will put our trust in Him. In His timing. Heavenly Father knows. He knows all the things about me that I don't broadcast. The mistakes I've made. The things I don't like about myself. AND LOVES ME STILL. And he told me that it was time to go to the temple. So, I did it. And I felt good about it.

I went to a fireside with Sister Oaks a few weeks ago and of COURSE Elder Oaks was there and said a few things. The topic that he focused his remarks on was TIMING. It's all down to timing. And even though going to the temple at that point was not MY timing, it was the RIGHT timing. Because it was 100% GOD'S TIMING. I gave it all over to Him and I know now that I did the exact right thing. I know that God has a plan for each of us. And it is completely tailored to you. And even if it's not YOUR timing, its going to be perfect timing. Because God knows exactly what you need, when you need it, to not only get YOU back to Him, but so you can help others along the way. 

My bishop came up to me afterwards and told me that I answered someone's prayer tonight. The Spirit was definitely present, I was overwhelmed myself (hence all the crying), so I feel pretty confident that the bishop was right. And that is SO AWESOME. I love that. I love being that for someone. And like SO many people came up and hugged me (which I'm starting to get more used to) and even some VERY unexpected people hugged me. Which... I didn't hate? I don't know. Today was just a really really good day. And I'm really happy. A good end to a good stretch of time off and a holiday. Yeah. 

Life is good. 
God is great. 
You are gorgeous.

-Reille K. :)

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

i want to remember this day.

Wow... Okay... So, update since the last time I posted... :)
I talked to my Bishop that week, and he was all for getting the process started. I began going to Temple Prep for Sunday School (which was a blessing in and of itself, I became better friends with this girl Piper, who I just LOVE), and I bought (and tried to read) The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packer (this is not a book you can just sit down and read for hours and lose yourself in. I know, because I tried. You have to concentrate so HARD). And I prayed. A LOT. More than I think I may have ever prayed in my life at one time. I was like, legit, praying at all times. And when I wasn't praying, I was thinking about the temple. 

As I went through this process, I became closer and closer to Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ. And I started to feel SO READY. One day, whilst urinating, I realized why it's all so different now. Why it all feels so RIGHT. It's because I am finally ready for the commitment. I think that's a lot of what has held me back in the past. In so many areas of my life. I can make commitments, but this... this is LIFE CHANGING. And so is dating. Like, for me, I know that once I start ACTUALLY dating someone, it's pretty much going to move really fast and before you know it, we'll be tying the knot. So, I have to be ready for that commitment before anything even happens. That's kind of how it was for the temple for me. I had to get to the point where I would be committed. To the covenants that I will make. To wearing the garment. To always paying my tithing. To resist sin and temptations. It's a big step. And I didn't want to mess anything up. There was also some issues with ME not feeling good enough... worthy enough... ENOUGH enough. But that's like, the struggle of my lifetime. I AM enough of all of the above, I just had to get to a point where I believed it for myself. 

I had a total of three interviews with my Bishop. The first, the middle, and the final as I like to call them. The first was when I told him I wanted to do this and he said YES. And was super enthusiastic about it. I was 100% not expecting to get a yes right away. I fully expected to be told that I had to wait. So, I was SHOCKED. The middle was when I confirmed, YES, I still want to do this. Let's move forward. Still a little too early to do the actual questions because of WHEN I wanted to go through. And the final. That happened tonight. And I was a little anxious, just because I was so READY. Ready to get going. Ready to take this next step. You guys, this whole process has been like a dream. The best dream that I never want to wake up from. (Aside from any family drama that I basically made up in my head... that was not a fun part. But, that was me being a drama queen and I resolved it within myself). I had my interview with my Bish, then went over to the Stake Office, and had my interview with the Stake Presidency member (DON'T WORRY, I'm a total spaz and I signed my recommend in the Stake Presidency Member's spot and he had to cross my name out and I had to sign it again... *face palm*). And while they were asking the official interview questions, I felt the Spirit SO STRONGLY. And I felt so peaceful. And I knew, in that moment, that it was right. I was doing what is RIGHT for me. 

Then I walked out to my car and as I sat down, I realized... really realized that I AM GOING TO THE TEMPLE. In a week and a day. Like, this is real. It's happening. And oh my goodness! And I was overcome with emotions and the Spirit. But, I just had like a little bit of teariness and was fine. Then I told my snap story and said the words "I'm going to the temple" out loud and cried a little more! Just saying those words out loud was... WHEW! 

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father. And my Savior. They know me SO WELL. Like, it's ridiculous because they know me better than ANYONE knows me. And they know my path and they light the way for me when I have no idea where to go next. They know when I am lost before I even know I am lost. They take care of me and give me so much more than I will ever deserve. I feel so content and happy and excited with where my life is headed. I can't WAIT for this next chapter of my life. It's going to be AMAZING. I'm so grateful for the testimony that I have of this Gospel. Some days, it's all that keeps me going. I am constantly in awe of how PERFECT God's plan is. And that He did it all FOR US. Even though we constantly fail Him. He loves us SO MUCH. 

I can't not testify of the Atonement... it is... the closest thing there is to magic. The moment you feel the power flow through your body is just... it is UNREAL. The Atonement is for sins, but it is also for sadness, disappointment, physical pain, emotional pain, grief, anxiety, worry, stress. Literally, it is for EVERYTHING. It is truly the best panacea EVER (like, you guys, the Atonement cured a migraine for me more than once). I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for the Atonement and the power of the Priesthood. There aren't good enough words to truly convey how I feel tonight. I just feel so #blessed. And happy. And stoked.

Today was a good day. And next thursday is going to be one of the BEST days of my life. I just know it. 

Happy Tuesday, all!
All the love!

Reille K. :)

Sunday, February 14, 2016

life lately. and some personal revelations.

Um, hi. How is everyone? I hope that this Valentine's Day was filled with love and not sadness. And I hope that everyone had a phenomenal Sunday. I don't really talk about it a lot, but Sunday is actually my favorite day of the week. My next favorite is Thursday. But I'm not here to talk about my favorite days of the week.

I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind A LOT the past couple of months(ish). When the mission age was changed and one of my dear friends was preparing to go, we were just talking about the struggle of figuring out garments and sizing and adjusting your wardrobe to them one day. I came home and mentioned something to my parents and they said, "You know, you should take out your endowments. That's something you could totally do,". I felt uncomfortable and was all, "Uhh, no. Not right now! I'm a baby! I'm DEFINITELY not ready for that,". Which, in fairness, I don't know that I was at that time. And I quickly brushed that off and didn't really think about it for a while.

Fast forward about a year, and my parents mentioned again that I should seriously consider taking my endowment out. Again, I was like, "Duuude, could you give it a rest?" And there were a couple lessons or talks at church or something that piqued my Spirit and I thought about it for a few minutes but QUICKLY brushed them aside (again). I still felt that at (what... 20? Ish?) I wasn't there yet. I wasn't going on a mission. I definitely wasn't getting married anytime soon. I hadn't even been on a second date or kissed a boy yet! (Both of those still apply, by the way. Someone PLEASE think that I am a good watermelon and pick me! :) Haha, humor from a talk at church today, I know like, 99% of you likely won't get that) AND, I was kind of... scared. To be honest. As the things that go on in the temple are verrrrrrryyyy Sacred, even us members of the church don't really know what happens in there. And that Unknown aspect was terrifying to me. I didn't want to go in there and feel like... "Oh my gosh, what have I gotten myself into?!" And the commitment just felt like too much for me. So, I again, brushed it off.

I didn't think about it for a while after that. I was sure that I would just do it when I was going to get married. Like a lot of people do. And that was okay with me. I was cool with sticking with the status quo on this one. Seriously. I was 100% cool with just waiting. In late 2015, I had the thought a couple of times that I could maybe take out my endowment before I got married. But that was it. I didn't go past that. I didn't put it into the context of, "I should start working on this RIGHT NOW,".

Then, all of a sudden (it felt like), liiiike in November or December of 2015, I could NOT get away from people talking about going through the temple. Talks and testimonies in church. Articles on Twitter. Posts on Instagram. And, on cue for my personality, I was like, WHAT?! What do you WANT from me? GO AWAY. THIS IS NOT FOR ME RIGHT NOW. And I tried and tried to push those thoughts of, "Maybe... it's time to take this... seriously?" and "Darling, it may be time for you to think about this NOW," away and not think about them (Avoidance coping at it finest, ladies and gents, as you'll see in a second, it didn't really work very well).

At the same time, everyone on Twitter was all fluttery and, for lack of a better word, twittery, about Al Carraway's new book that came out around that time, "More than the Tattooed Mormon". And so I asked for it for Christmas, and I received it. I was SO STOKED to read it, but, I also got myself a bunch of books for Christmas/around Christmas and I didn't end up reading it for a few weeks. When I finally read it, I was just happily reading along one day at work and I was getting kinda towards the end when BAM! Revelation happened and I was so... taken aback? Startled? Surprised? I'm not really sure how I want to phrase that. But, it happened and I hate to say this but, I DID NOT WANT IT. Ugh, I know! I was one of those people that won't ask the question because they know they are going to get an answer and then they'll have to actually DO something about it! I'm going to share with you the paragraph that I read, because maybe you're going through something similar? Or just so I can come back to this later and remember for myself. Either way. It's on page 116 and it's the last paragraph on the page. 

"If you are like me and are seeking to go through the temple outside of preparing for a mission or marriage, His timing truly is best, even if it is devastating to wait. The Spirit often speaks to us with recurring thoughts. If this [going through the temple] is something that keeps coming to your mind, it is definitely time to start taking that thought seriously. Don't let your age or anything else discourage you. The decision to go through the temple is between you, your bishop, and the Lord. In my opinion, the best way to prepare to go to the temple is to be ready and willing to accept everything you will learn and experience there. When you get to the point of knowing that the temple is the house of the Lord and that everything you do and hear there is of God, then you are ready. Many of you will go to the temple because you 'have' to go in preparation for a mission or marriage -- get excited!"

You guys. I was just sitting there in my darkened cubicle and I just about LOST IT. I was so... grateful that this passage had come into my life. And that I was finally in a place where I could hear what Heavenly Father has been TRYING to tell me for a long time. I do know that until that time, I wasn't ready. Which is probably why I wouldn't listen yet. And I was also SO MAD at myself for not listening before that. But, that was just a little baby mad, because now... I was listening. I was open to it. And I just... needed to come to terms with where Heavenly Father wanted to take my life. What direction He wants me to go in. Before, I had been letting my age (and so many other things) discourage me from taking this though seriously. This recurring thought that I kept yelling at to go away and "get out of my room!"... it was the SPIRIT. Trying to tell me something important!

Luckily for me, I was still being bombarded with articles and such about going through the temple. I follow this temple dress account on Instagram @qnoor_templedress and they had a blog post a week or so ago that was posted about a couple weeks after my big revelation (that I was honestly JUST coming to terms with and still trying to decide if I just made it up in my head) that you can read HERE if you feel so inclined. And just like that... I knew that it was REAL LIFE PERSONAL REVELATION. One thing about this article that I just LOVE is that she talks about how the endowment should not be overlooked and just as a stepping stone to a mission or marriage. Because the endowment is a saving ordinance! In and of itself! It is SO important! And up until that point, I hadn't really seen it as such. Not for someone living. I had realized this truth (mostly) for proxy work, but hadn't applied that to still alive people (that sounds SO weird, I know. But you see what I'm trying to say, right?)

Also, with the general tour of the Provo City Center temple and the Bridal room tour that I was blessed enough to attend... I just... I felt so... AT HOME there. And my Spirit was just like, "Girl, you need this in your life, just... be open to it,". And I knew that I had to give in and stop trying to push it all away. 

Since then, it's been ON MY MIND. And it WON'T leave. I think... it's time to start taking this seriously. I mean, I'm already serious enough about it that I talked to my parents about it over dinner tonight... this whole... journey, I've been on in coming to this decision. And that conversation just confirmed to me that it's probably time to consult with my Bish and see what he thinks. I know that it may not happen right away. And I know that this may be a long process, because I may not be QUITE there yet. But... this is a direction that I think I need to start going down. I need to at least make an effort at it. And... I'm kind of super excited about it. 

You guys... this Gospel is MIND-BLOWING and I am so so SO grateful to have it in my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without it. To quote one of my all time favorite passages from the scriptures, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." (Alma 32:27) Even if you feel like you don't know what's up or down in the Gospel and you feel like your testimony would sink and not float or even swim if thrown into a body of water... I PROMISE YOU, that if you have a little faith, and you put in even a little bit of work, then you will find what you are looking for. What have you got to lose? And you and your testimony will surprise yourself. Really. You know more and believe more than you think you do. You just have to be open to it.

all the love.
     Reille K. :)