Friday, November 20, 2015

friday night.

Homies. It's Friday night, I went to dinner with my parents. Had a really awkward experience that I wish I could scrub off of my skin. And now I'm sitting here, in my bra and underwear, typing to you. I couldn't wait to get home and take off my clothes. That's one thing I didn't realize I would miss, moving back home. The luxury of not having to wear clothes. I was never wearing clothes when I was moved out! It was awesome! My future husband will probably really like this about me. My dislike of wearing clothes. Maybe we'll have Naked Thursday or something! ;) (but really, pants are prison. #nopantsdance)

I don't really have much to say, I just wanted to say hello. Also, I BOUGHT MYSELF A BED. A queen size bed. That is all for me. And maybe Fritz (my dog), but I probably won't invite him to my lair still. Maybe just on the weekends. I'm so freaking STOKED for it. I ordered it on the internet, so I have to wait for it to ship and all that, but YOU GUYS. I'm adult enough that I bought my own bed. How did this happen? This new purchase is prompting a redecorate of my bedroom, by the way, so I'll likely put pictures of that somewhere... because I'm also going to buy a HEADBOARD to go with my new bed that I can put twinkle lights on. And obviously I need a new quilt for my new size of bed. And I've got my eye on a new desk. And I have plans to make a new chair to go with this new desk. One that I can sit on with my legs criss cross apple-sauced. I am so stoked!

I've also decided to make a gallery wall of art in our guest bedroom. So I might take one or two of the larger pieces from my room to incorporate there too. My art needs a makeover. Hardcore. Whether it is made by me, or purchased. If you have any suggestions of Etsy shops or things that I can make, send me the link! Or tell me how to get to this place.

Anyway, I'm going to go. Lay on my bed with no clothes on. And Introvert. And dream of my new bed. It's going to be stellar. Happy Friday, y'all! (I'm watching The Voice, and I LOVE so many of them! I'm really not into Country music, but I really like Zach Seabaugh. He needs to stop converting me to country. It's unacceptable. I don't recognize myself anymore! ;))

Cheers,
     Reille K. :)

Saturday, November 14, 2015

why I write.

This was originally another page on my blog, but I've decided that it's more post-y type material. So, here we are...


People have different reasons to write. And here's mine.

 
That's one reason. Writing it all out and just letting the words flow from my fingertips helps me sort it all out. And by "it all", I mean all the thoughts that float around in my head at a constant, fast-paced rate. I feel like when I SAY what I think, my mouth gets left behind while my thoughts race ahead and then I stumble over things. But somehow, when I write, that doesn't happen.
 
 
I also write because this is a way that I express myself. My thoughts, my feelings, my opinions. It's my little slice of home on the Internet. More so than any profile or whatnot on any social media website, because this is ALL ME. What you see here, is basically what you get in real life. And that's important to me. I don't filter what I write about because so-and-so might see it and be offended. Or someone that doesn't even exist in my life yet won't like it. I write FOR ME, and if you want to read it, great! Thank you so much for caring what I have to say and offer the world. If you don't like it, I'm not forcing you to be here. And that's fine.
 
 
I feel like my blog has been an essential tool in my process of "growing up". And it's definitely been a process. It's helped me to realize that I DO have things to say. And that I shouldn't tuck them away and not tell anyone what I really, truly think and feel.
 
Of course, I still get that clinchy, "Ooh, should I post this one?", feeling for a good amount of my posts. But when I get that feeling, I think those end up being the posts that I'm most proud of. It's still hard to put my feelings on display for potentially ANYONE with the internet to see, but, I mean, free speech and all that jazz.
 
 
And that. I've always had a hard time loving myself. I was always the "fat girl" or the "really smart girl" or "the best friend" or whatever other label has ever been stuck on me in my life. Not that those are all negative, but I always let those labels define me. And writing has helped me to shed those labels, and become more comfortable in my own skin. It's helped me to feel a sense of community, however small, on the internet and realize that I'm not alone. That people care what I have to say. And they like it because with each post, they get a little window into who I really am. People can FEEL that I'm telling them exactly how I feel, exactly what I think. There's no holding back on here. And it's nice to have a place where I can do that, and that it isn't some little journal that, chances are, no one will ever see. I "watered myself down to please people" for far too long, and I was MISERABLE. But, since shedding that persona and writing it out, I HAVE found a love for myself that wasn't there before, and I've discovered who I am.
 
I write because that's just who I am now. And I kind of like that person.
 
As always,
Cheers!

how to be a sick person, according to me.

Hi friends!

This week, I was sick for a couple of days and had to stay home from work. Which, is something that I've had to learn how to do in recent years. But, I thought I would write a little post about it.

I have five tips for sickness for you. And honestly, they may be more to remind myself to do these things the next time I'm sick than anything else. So, take it or leave it.

  • DRUGS. Figure out as quickly as possible what kind of drugs are going to suit you and your sickness best. And always try the ones that your mom suggests first. Vomiting up cough syrup is not something I want to ever do again in my lifetime... It's going to help with a speedy recovery. At least, it did with the variety of death that I somehow contracted this week.
  • Try to find someone else to make your necessities run. I made the mistake of going to Winco for myself before I had figured out my drug situation and was in delirious pain. I also made the mistake of choosing a hand basket, not a cart, so I was panting my way around Winco, just trying to get some dang Gatorade. I looked like death because I also had a fever but, really, I was in no state to have even put real clothes on. I should have called someone for help.
  • DRINK and EAT THINGS. I personally like to get Gatorade or PowerAde if you have had a fever. They help restore all those electrolytes you just sweated out with your fever. And they taste pretty good. If it's more of a stomach thing, Sprite or 7 Up is swell for helping calm things down. As far as food goes... that depends on your sickness. If it's like, a cold, then SOUP. If it's something stomach-y, then try to find something that's not going to hurt on it's way back up. My personal favorites for this are Double Noodle Soup, Saltines, and Fruit Snacks.
  • HEAT. My heated blanket was a lifesaver. I would also consider turning up the thermostat just like, 2 degrees. When you have a fever, your body is definitely going to like being too hot more than being chitter-chattering from being cold.
  • Baths. I took like three "baths" on Tuesday. Because it was the only place that my body was not in constant pain (because of the heat and the buoyancy). And by bath, I mean I just lied there in the hottest water I could get for like, an hour. And as the bath slowly started draining/getting cold, I added more hot water. But, they were great.

So there you have it. I'm not really sure what sickness I had? It was kind of flu-y, but not? I woke up and it hurt to touch my skin and I was all body aches and pain and fever. I spent much of Tuesday in bed trying to sleep but mostly just writhing in pain. It was actually probably the worst day of at least this year, if not like, the past 5 years. And then Wednesday the more traditional cold type things like coughing and stuff came. But, I'm fine now. Mostly. My lungs had some residual issues for a couple of days, but so far today, they are okay. Anyway.

All the Love.
Cheers,
     Reille K. :)

Saturday, September 5, 2015

when in doubt, count to ten.

I have a disease. One where I do a brave thing and then once it has happened, I regret doing that brave thing. Because I have successfully pushed myself out of my comfort zone. And usually in a way that I can't just be out of it for like, a second, and then hop right back in. But once I am back in the safety of my comfort zone, I am back to being okay and happy that I did the brave thing. I guess it's just like a form of situational anxiety, maybe?

But everything I want is on the other side of fear. This phrase has become my mantra or motto (or both? Is there even a difference?) over the past year or so. Because it is SO true! I'm never going to get anywhere in life if I don't do scary things. Even if that scary thing is simply texting/talking to a cute boy. Or wearing that outfit that I'm not 100% sure about. Saying hi to that person that I think is really cool. Giving my number to a cute server at a restaurant. Or having to face someone who's heart you broke. Or someone who broke your heart. Or owning up to a bad thing that you did and having to face the consequences of that.

I realized this week, that this past year, I did a lot of scary things with my best friend by my side. She made me brave. I think part of that is because she was always boasting to people that I am such a brave person. Which, I guess is true? That's uncomfortable. But anyway, she made me brave because I knew that she believed in me. I knew that she knew that I could do anything that I wanted to do. And even if I was scared, I would do it anyway. Because otherwise, nothing gets done! But, now that she is a whole state away from me, I'm not quite as brave. And that was a weird thing to realize. I never really thought that I had grown quite so dependent on having a partner in crime. And now that she's far away... how am I going to cope?! Just kidding, I'm sure that I will figure it all out. It's just going to take some time to figure out how to grow back into my Self.

I guess my point to this is that it is SO easy to just get in a groove and to stay in your comfort zone. It's so easy to do nothing, but you can't get anywhere if you don't do SOMETHING.  There is this Netflix Original, "Unbreakable: Kimmy Schmidt", that is absolutely HILARIOUS, but there is an episode where she talks about how she would take things 10 seconds at a time. See if you can get through ten seconds, and if you could, try another ten seconds. Then another ten seconds. And so on and so forth. When I was watching that episode, I thought it was a charming little idea. But, I've found myself thinking back on that a lot. Especially when I am in an uncomfortable situation. And I find myself counting to ten. It really does help!

So, talk to the cute boy. Go after the promotion you want and think you deserve. Say your sin out loud and figure out what you need to do about it.  Wear that outfit. Hold your head up high and just feel out the situation. And when in doubt, count to ten. :)

Cheers,
Reille K. :)

Friday, September 4, 2015

well, hello there!

Once upon a time, there was a girl who had a computer that just kind of fell apart and try as she might, she could not get that computer to be fixed and whole and happy again. She didn't really like blogging from her iPad, and for a whole year, that was the only "computer" she had. This girl, is me. No, I have not fallen off the face of the planet. Mostly. I just didn't have a good device to blog from. And I also couldn't figure out how to get the words from my brain into my fingers and out into the world. And when I could, I just wanted to keep those ones to myself for a while.

Good news is, my dad is a miracle worker and fixed my computer! And I am ECSTATIC. I also happen to have an ergo-keyboard (which is what I have at work), so I can actually type on here! YEEEEEEEE!!! I'm just so stoked.

I can't wait to see what kind of things I can come up with on here. And I'm stoked to get back into blogging. And I just wanted to say a quick hello for tonight.

Anyways, it's late and I'm working on a mosaic for a wee babe who is going to join us here any second (almost literally), while I try to catch up with Jess on Gossip Girl. No worries. More to come. :)

Loves.

Cheers,
Reille K. :)

Sunday, February 22, 2015

why I don't subscribe to the Facebook lifestyle.

I rarely get on Facebook. And when I do, I leave feeling unfulfilled with my life and being a little sad about some of the choices that I have made. Why? Because I didn't go the traditional route. I didn't have a million friends in high school. And I didn't go to college right after graduation. And I didn't go on a mission. I'm not planning on going on a mission. I didn't meet tons of new friends in my college classes or dorm. I didn't get married before I had been out of high school for three years. And I definitely don't have a baby yet. I've still never even been kissed or had a boyfriend. 

Instead, I had every friend from high school fall out of my life. I started working at a dead end job for two years and I met the best friend that I have ever had there. One that I love enough to have moved out of my parents house for (I wouldn't and won't do that for... Anyone else. Except someone that I have hitched myself to for the rest of eternity). I've fallen in and out of love with the Gospel. I've had my ups and downs. I've had a few terrible dating experiences. And no good ones. I've gotten scars -- physical, emotional, and mental scars. I've grown and discovered things about myself that I wouldn't have unless my life had unfolded exactly the way that it has. 

But when I get on Facebook... And I see the pathways that everyone elses lives have taken them down... And I compare it to the pathway that I have been on... that's just it. I compare my journey to everyone else's when I get on Facebook. And I hate that. I can't stop doing it. Because it's human nature. That's become the norm of our society. Constantly comparing our everything to the "specifically engineered for the Internet" parts of everyone else's life. The only thing I can do is avoid it. And I'm honestly okay with that. Because why am I wasting time on the Internet when I can be off living my life instead?! I mean, I love the Internet as much as the next gal, but, I don't want to live there. 

So, I've been thinking about deleting my Facebook. Have any of you done it before? I've done a few social media fasts, and I still refuse to download Facebook back onto my phone... But, to completely delete my profile? It just seems like... A lot of things that I would be getting rid of. Although, it would completely purge my friends list of all those people that I never actually talked to in Jr. High and high school. And get rid of all those stupid, stupid things that I "became a fan" of, back when that was a thing. But, I would have to re-friend people, and build it back up, and I would lose all the ├╝ber cringe-worthy posts from Jr. High, that are always good for a laugh. I don't know... I doubt that I will ever actually delete my profile, because I've thought about it a lot for about two years and still haven't. But, the thought is there. For now, I think I'll just keep not using it. That sounds like the best plan. :)

I'll keep loving and living with the choices that I've made that have gotten me to where I am today and try to stop comparing my journey to everyone else's. 

Cheers, 
Reille K. :) 

Sunday, February 1, 2015

jessica, my darling. :)

I've discovered that one of my most favorite gifts I can give someone, is to talk about how much I love them publicly. I don't do it very often, and I'm not going to go crazy and make it really long, because our relationship is special and I want to keep it all for myself, because I'm selfish like that. :)

As most of you know, I have a bestie named Jessica Price. When I met Jessica, I was in a pretty dark place, emotionally. I didn't realize how bad it was until I was dragged out of that hole. I don't think she will ever know just how much she saved me. It started out as a co-worker who I could fan-girl over One Direction with... But somewhere along the way, she became one of the most important people I my life. She's the first person I've ever been able to cry in front of - really cry - with snot streaming down my face and my feelings slipping past my blubbering lips. She's the only person I this world who knows all my secrets. She reminds me that I was smart and beautiful and worth loving - even when I feel most un-loveable. 

Jessica is one of the most extraordinary beings I have ever crossed paths with. She has forever changed my life; she has a way of doing that, changing people's lives. She has a way of being there for anyone, and sometimes (it feels like) everyone. It can be difficult to share her sometimes, but I can't really blame them. She is a precious gem, and I say that in the least sarcastic way possible. I don't deserve a friend like her, but I am very thankful that I have her. I have a difficult time believing that the people I love (outside of my family, they are stuck with me), are not going to leave me. In the past that's how it has always been. No one has stuck around. But I just know, that no matter where Jess and I end up, together or apart, we will always be friends. 

Love you, Bestie Jess.

XOXO, 
Gossip Girl

Cheers, 
     Reille K. :) 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

the spark.

I've been thinking a lot lately about New Years and resolutions. And all the hullabaloo surrounding both of those things. I've definitely partaken in the mindset of "New Year, New Me" and made a bunch of resolutions and gotten as far as six months into the year and felt so discouraged and disappointed in myself because I didn't make it the entire year. But this year is a little different. I was looking at my Timehop the other day (a pretty recent addition to my app collection) and I realized how VASTLY different my life and my Self are, in comparison to just one year ago. And how the resolutions that I made at the beginning of the year, which, I honestly have no idea what they even were, may not really have applied to me as my life changed throughout the year. And this New Years, I didn't feel that spark... that resides in that spot between your rib cage and your stomach? Where the exhilarated scream comes from when you ride a really good roller coaster? Or jump off a cliff into the water? That spark of hope, new beginnings, exhilaration, and change... It wasn't there this year. I still haven't found it. It's kind of funny to me that the entire world has the ability to feel this spark all together, once a year, and it's the time of year that majority of people make resolutions and don't keep them. I also think it's funny that people think that the shift from one minute to the next, indicating the new year, is going to make them become this new person that is immediately ABLE to tackle ALL things that they couldn't last year, changing at once all of their innate characteristics. It makes me feel like the spark might be a lie. And also that people are a little kooky. 

Don't get me wrong, resolutions are great, and cheers to you if you actually make them. Because, let's be real, you have to reflect and realize what your weaknesses are, in order to make resolutions. And that in and of itself is a very healthy exercise, in my opinion. Deciding what it is that you need to do to improve those weaknesses, and change them to strengths, make yourself a better you, that is also very healthy, in my opinion. Trying to tackle all of these problems all at the same time and solve every single mystery of why you are the way you are, and do things the way you do them., all at the same time... that feels like it may not be the healthiest choice. In my opinion. ;) It could also be why no one ever keeps their New Years Resolutions. Just a thought. 

My dad and I were discussing resolutions the other day, and he said, "Why are we basing our desire to change and improve on the Roman calendar so much?" And it's totally true! Every day is the start of a new year, if we're going to get a bit philosophical (and I am). Every DAY, every WEEK, every MONTH is a fresh start, a chance to turn over a new leaf. We don't have to wait for New Years to have resolutions to improve ourselves. We can literally start any day and have a chance at a fresh start, a new beginning. Clean slate. Blank canvas.

Along with the timing of resolutions, I also think that a year is a really loooooong time. Like I said before, I bet the resolutions I made at the beginning of last year wouldn't even apply to me anymore. Along with my inability to something every single day for a whole year probably... I think that year long goals (apart from the super general types, like "Be healthier" or "Be more giving", etc.) are just... To big a chunk of time. And also, how daunting?! It freaks people out, I think. And that's part of why we lazy humans have a hard time keeping our New Years resolutions. So here is the solution I came up with for myself...

Try setting goals for a week. Two weeks. A month. Sometimes, you may have the same goal for weeks at a time. But, each week that you accomplish one more week of it, it's not just another tick mark towards your end goal, it's the shiny star sticker at the end! And I don't know about you. But when I accomplish something, it pumps me up! Giving me more energy and motivation for the next goal/project/week. You already have that sense of accomplishment there, so if you mess up one week and fall off the wagon, the whole thing isn't shot. Just the one week. Also, you'll feel better equipped, I think, to tackle the task ahead of you. 

This year, I'm not making a list of resolutions. I'm making a single resolution, kind of, that is really going to be more of a mantra. "Be a better Me." I'm going to try to make weekly goals. And maybe I will have some of the same goals for weeks at a time, maybe they will change every time. But, I feel like I can totally do something really hard for a week. I can probably do it for two. And then 3. And so on and so forth. Also, this way I can see what my life looks like at that moment, and decide if I need to improve in one area over another and really focus in on specific things. Also, I think it will help cultivate that spark of change and hope in me a bit more. And it seems like it will fit me better to be more specific and focused with my goals. And it will be great.

Good luck with all your goals and resolutions, friends!

Cheers,
Reille K. :)