Sunday, March 31, 2013

*Siiiighh* What to do, what to do?

I have a conundrum. I just don't know what to do, who to turn to. What am I supposed to do in a situation like this? How am I supposed to go about it? What do I really want? 

The different outcomes keep spinning circles around in my head; my thoughts touching on each one briefly but not holding on to any. I haven't thought about it for so long that I almost don't even remember why I chose to go this way in the first place.

But, if given a second chance, could it be better? Could it be? Because we're both different now? We know more of ourselves. We've had time apart to grow on our own, maybe that's just what we needed to bond again and have a better relationship than before. Maybe it's how life was meant to unfold. Maybe we needed the time apart to realize what we meant to each other. For us to get on even ground. 

But is it the right thing to go back to that? Given what we've both said? Is it the way things were meant to turn out? It's hard to tell, because of nostalgia. It's hard to tell because I've been reminiscing on the good times lately, because there were just as much of them as the bad times. 

I just, I have no idea what to do. I have no CLUE what I'm going to decide. What was once the most comfortable thing in the world it was almost second nature, now feels like it would be worse than speaking in the Singles Ward. It feels as if it could change my entire life. 

I'm not the same person I once was. 

Does that change what you want?

Are you the same person you once were?

Does that change what I want?

Should that change what I want?

I have a conundrum. 

Have a lovely day! I never said Happy Easters, so, Happy Easters! 

     Reille K. 

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Tidbit Tuesday #2

Here we go! Maybe this week I'll remember on Tuesday to actually post Tidbit Tuesday...


-Guys, I'm so excited for Guppy to come. I'm SOOOO excited. June can't come fast enough!

-June is going to be a really great, really busy, really tired month for me. I'm doing Phlebotomy, Guppy is being born, and I'm sure there will be lots of family time happening and I'm hoping some good adventures! Cheers to June!

-I read 500 pages in less than a day... People think this is something where Congrats is appropriate... I think this is every day life.

-I really need to get back into reviewing books... if you've been here for a while, you know I did that... oh my gosh, last summer? I think? Is that something you would want? Or maybe just like, a list of books that I've recently read in the sidebar? Comment below!

-I really love the people I work with. They are so great and really funny. And easy to work with. Also, NO DRAMA.

-I'm going to paint my room soon... but... that means I'll have to take down all the quotes and things I put up for my New Year's Room Facelift! Which you can find here... in case you missed it and have no clue what I'm talking about. No worries, I'll put them all on parchment paper or something and they'll be put back up... I think. We'll see how I feel when it comes time.

Thursday and Friday

-I absolutely LOVE seeing old people walk around Target (or anywhere else, I'm just mostly at Target so...) and they still hold hands and they are just so adorable and still in love. I LOVE IT.

-Yay for payday! Boo for practically being poor already... I suck.

-Snow again? Are you freaking kidding me?

-What am I thinking these days? Is it normal to have a "type" where if you find someone that you could maybe love but they aren't your type you cast that aside? Maybe that's just how friendship starts and I missed that day?

-I don't know that I'll ever stop. And I hate myself for it. (This one will be staying vague for all my life, just so you know. Sorry!)

-GUYS. SHOULD I RENAME MY BLOG?! TELL ME. Or does the name I have fit it well enough?

-In about a month, my life has changed COMPLETELY. And that's a little weird.

-If you have written someone for their whole mission so far and have nothing but platonic feelings for them... should you continue writing them? Or would that be considered leading them on? Even though you weren't like BESTIES by any means before they left? Oy.

-The Perks of Being a Wallflower is my FAVORITE movie. Maybe ever. I mean, I did wait for it to come to theaters for a year... Ha! I had a lot of faith in the cast and they pulled through.


-Happy Golden Birthday to my Sister! Don't know what a Golden Birthday is? Practical example! It's the 23rd of March and my sister turned 23. Do you get it? It's a thing. Okay? Nine more years until mine!

-I'm going to see Warm Bodies tonight. EEEEEEEEEE!

-It's real. I don't care for Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit. They're just so DANG long and just aren't interesting to me. I can't focus on them. I watched The Hobbit last night and I was counting down the minutes until it was over. Sorry to those of you who love it. Maybe if I read the books? But I don't plan on that any time soon.

-I finished TWO projects last night!

-I also started two projects this week. One being a jean quilt for myself. The other being a mosaic for Bestie Lexis' birthday, which isn't until AUGUST. But, I'm getting a head start because I'll be working with... SEQUINS. Yes. Sequins. And ribbon. It's gonna be AWESOME.

-I'm working an HR shift this afternoon (which means that I'm playing Operator) and the thing that bugs me the most is that it's starting when I would normally be getting off (kind of). Which, is weird.

-It's REALLY nice to have my nights off!

-I've noticed that I start getting "starving for dinner" at like 5:30 now. Which, is weird. Although, what in my life hasn't changed lately?

-Went on a sister date with Meg for her birthday and we had a lot of time to kill... and we also ate at Wingers and saw Admissions. The only reason I liked it was because I love Tina Fey and Paul Rudd. Otherwise, it was okay.

-We also almost had a run in with someone we both dislike and both caught ourselves at the same time. Whew! Dodged a bullet!

-I spend too much money...


-I slept for SOOOOO long last night!

-I don't think I'll hate myself for the above, because I love going to bed at ten. Ha!

-I still sometimes... most times miss not having to do my hair. Just being able to shower and let it be.

-I really need to start participating in my ward activities... that's part of the reason I switched to Singles Ward in the first place. But... I'm completely scared of them. What if everyone wants to talk to me?! What would I do? I can't handle that. Even though these are pretty trivial and dumb, I still... I'm going to make myself go to Munch and Mingle next week.

-Steak for dinner tonight... Woooo Mama. I'm excited. I looooove me some delicious steak.


-I worked. I read. I ate some food. I dyed my mother's hair. I didn't do much else... or ANYTHING else. 

-I just discovered THAT stuff. 
∫∫∫˚¬∆˚¬˙©¥˙©∫˙∆˜µ≤˚¬øˆ¨¥˙©†ƒç√∫˜¥†®ƒ®®®®ççç√√∫©ƒ©©©©åå߃√∑˙œ˙∆˚œœ∑∑∑∑´˙∆˚≈˜∆˚ßå´h˙∆˚¬ß∆˚¬ø¨øπ“…ππππ PI!

-I'm remembering to post this on Tuesday! 

-I bought the second book of The Infernal Devices series today and also finished the first. Eeeeeee!

-Red lips in support of Gay and Lesbian marriage, I also wrote a blog post about my stance which you can read here.

-I called a mostly innocent unknown person a dirty, rotten hobo today. HA! 

-The things that come out of my mouth sometimes... oh my. 

-I've been feeling eternally starving lately. Which is usually what happens right before my period, but if you read last weeks TT you probably gathered that that's happened too recently for that to be the reason. 

-I have bruises from unknown sources EVERYWHERE. 

-None of you have given me your opinion on the name change yet. GUYS. 

Have a lovely week!

     Reille K. 

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Whatcha think?

Guys, I'm strugglin' here.

I've been contemplating renaming my blog... but I don't know what to rename it to!

But, on the other hand, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing...

So, opinions please.

Should I change it? Or leave it?

Comment below!

     Reille K.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Tidbit Tuesday

So, I have a lot of little tiny thoughts that I always want to share, but they're not substantial enough to create an entire blog post on because they're like, tiny stories that will be a paragraph. And most of them are of no consequence anyway. So I'm thinking that I'll have one post every week on Tuesday, called Tidbit Tuesday (I'm oh so clever, eh? The alliteration!) and just bulletpoint all my little randoms for you. Keep in mind that it could get preeeetty lengthy. Since, you know, I'm trying to have more structure and such... and this will contain it to one day, and since it's the same day, it will still be structured! Ahhh, the greatness! Anyway... Here we go.


-I've now seen the tops of the shelves in the backroom of Target, and it's not really anything I ever wanted to see. I could have died happy without seeing them. But, alas, I had to be trained on "The Wave" in my new position and my Team Lead made me go ALLLL the way up. Blech. It's not that I don't like heights, or are scared of them. It's more the combination of power tools which I'm not so fond of and the heights. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, but, I still would never want to work in the backroom or anything and have to use one everyday.

-I've decided to give up naps. I know, right? Who the heck is this girl? I used to be the queen of naps, in case you didn't know. I would literally wake up at 10:30 or 11 and then take a nap at like 2. I took a nap every day in high school and most of jr. high as well. But, now they're starting to make me more tired, which didn't used to happen. Or it did and I was used to it. And I am just befuddled afterwards. Which, is my least favorite. I HATE being befuddled. Confused, I can handle. But no. Plus, what a waste of your day!

-I've also come to hate watching T.V. It's such a chore to watch it now. Like, all my pre-recorded shows. I find myself not being able to wait for the season finale's so I can stop feeling like I have to watch them. I mean, if it's on and I have some time, I'll sit down and watch some t.v. but, ugh, I just can't do recorded shows anymore.

-What is happening to me?! I just feel so grown up and all responsible and I have almost ZERO of the same habits I had like, a month ago? Basically, I've just flip flopped in the habits department. And that's weird.

-I am now fully paid and enrolled and textbooked up and scrubbed up to become a phlebotomist. My course starts June 3rd. And I've totally already started reading the textbook and doing the assignments at the beginning of the chapters. I actually really enjoy reading textbooks for subjects that I find interesting... I know, I'm super weird. One of the guys I work with, his name is Mark, looked at me like I was an alien when I was telling him and another co-worker (her name is Wendi). But hey! By the time I actually get there, all that I'll have left is to learn is the actual sticking in of the needles and things and I will have an advantage!


-I work A LOT now. And while I love working and getting lots more monies, sometimes it's still hard waking up at 5:30 AM.

-Ugh, all the easter candy. It's just so delicious, but, I can't. I just can't.

-Do anyone else's hips get EXTREMELY sore whilst you're on your period? Like, enough to make you feel like a creaky old woman every time you try to move?

-Archer Farms Key Lime White Chocolate Cookies. Ahhgh. So yummy. Go try one, you won't be disappointed.

-What are your go to "On your period" foods? Do you have any? Or does it change with each one?


-Today I saw two dogs roaming on 1600N and I noticed that they had tags on, so I caught them and took them home. Their humans weren't home, so I let them into their backyard and left a note. I hope they stayed! 


- That was my entire Sunday. Literally. My entire day. 

- I was probably the most tired I've been in FOREVER today.

- MIND = BLOWN. Seriously, how have I never looked this up or something before? 


- I've noticed... like as of today, that once I say out loud that I "like" someone I instantly doubt if I really do and in turn start to not "like" them anymore. Although, in the case of today, I really DIDN'T like the person... not really. Only kind of. 

- There are so many things to spend money on! Ugh, why can't we call just be zillionares?! Also, I hate my addiction to notebooks/journals. I just, I love them! 

- Sweet and Sour Chicken = DELICIOUS. 

- Liking people stresses me out, so I think I'm going to stop doing it again for a while. Clayton asked me about it when we went to dinner a few weekends ago and at the time, I hadn't even thought about it. But then I was like, well, why don't I like anyone? So I feel like I subconsciously almost sought out someone to like, who, mind you, is not really my type. I'm over it, even though I just really want to have that experience. It will happen when it's meant to. 

- I found so many cute things at Old Navy today! But, I couldn't buy any of it yet because I have no monies until Friday. :( 

- I am SOOO tired again today, what is going on?

- Lemonade is super yummy. 

- This guy I work with will NOT tell me how old he is. And it was making me crazy. But, I've decided to let it go. And just... pretend like I don't care. Ha! 

- I am REALLY weird. All my co-workers make fun of me. But my brother-in-law  said that it's endearing.


-I suck and my very first Tidbit Tuesday is going to be published on Wednesday instead because I remembered late last night when I was already falling asleep and I finally got warm under my covers and it just wasn't important enough to me. So. Deal with it. :)

K, bye! Love you!
Have a lovely week friends!

     Reille K.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A little gem from the past

I've been organising and such a bit lately and found this little gem from just about a year ago. It was College Writing and our teacher asked us to free write about something we've learned recently or throughout high school or during our senior year. And at this point is when you start getting pretty nostalgic about the whole ordeal (well, at this point... a year ago). I'm not sure why I kept it (oh wait, I'm a pack rat and keep everything, that's why I kept it), but I'm glad that I have these little words of wisdom that are scarily accurate to what actually happened after graduation from my past self. Anyway, here it is...

"I learned that I'm a lot more scared than I thought. I'm scared to grow up and move on. I'm scared to lose all the people that I've grown so close to. Scared that even if I don't lose them, we won't see each other quite enough and somehow we'll forget. Forget all teh inside jokes, late night talks, silly things we did to each other throughout the years. I'm scared of the responsibility that comes with growing up. I used to think it would be the greatest; easy eve, and it's not. It's not easy to lose the carefree attitude. It's not easy to find something you truly care about. It's not easy to LOSE someone you truly care about. All in all, I learned that life is scary, but we can' let that hold us back."

Freaking... like, what? Where did I pull that from? I amaze myself sometimes. I'm no writer, not professionally, obviously. I don't even think that a lot of the words that come out of my mouth have a lot of weight to them most of the time. And I confuse myself. But... looking back on this and reading it again... Whew. Hit me like a ton of bricks... but in the good way? Like, when you're browsing Pinterest and find a quote that just gets ya. That's how I felt when I read this earlier today. And, that was weird, because it came from my brain.

Fun Fact: that class is the one where I discovered that I enjoy free writing and writing of the non-academic style, if that makes sense to you. But NOT academic writing. I hate it. I might even loathe it. I just... the rules are ridiculous. Let me say what I want to say, how I freaking want to say it and in what tense I want. Anyway... that got a bit weird at the end.

Feel free to comment... even if it's not necessarily about the post! I love hearing from you guys.

Hope you have a lovely day! 

     Reille K.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Smiles All Around

...Today was a surprisingly good day.

And hopefully tomorrow is too.

That is all...

Hope you had a lovely one too.

Cheers, Reille K.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

So, I'm a little impatient?

Soooo, remember how I started on Clayton's birthday present like, two months ago? And how I finished it a few weeks ago? And how in this post I said that he probably wouldn't be getting it until I went to visit him in May? Weeeellllllll.

He got it last night.

He was up for an old friends wedding and I obviously went with him, even though I was never friends with this human (although, seeing who ended up with this girl was priceless) and we went to dinner afterwards. Anything to spend time with my bestie, right? So, we were just chillin' in the car in front of my house at the end of the night and I decided that it was time. So we went inside, and I ran and grabbed it (I had wrapped it earlier that day, actually, because I was sick of it getting dusty) and I let him open it.

Photo: I couldn't wait any longer so Clayton got his birthday present tonight... A month early. No big deal, right? :-D @cbclayton #presents #ilovegivingpresents #Wilbur #Willy #spiritguide #bestiesforlife #bestie

In the top right corner, he still hadn't seen it yet, so he was really excited. And then he just sat there looking at it for about an hour. And he told me that I hurt all his feels and it's his spirit guide and his name is Wilbur, Willy for short.

Also, I've been trying to get him to cry in front of me for about a year, maybe a year and a half now. AND I FINALLY SUCCEEDED!!!!! It's a long story as to WHY I wanted him to cry in front of me, but it was the icing on the cake for last night.

I just really love giving presents. Especially ones like this where it takes me a long time to make/put together and I know it will be meaningful for them, and one where I know the reaction of them seeing it and realizing how much I care about them is the best payoff I could ever ask for.

Guys, my best friend is basically just like, the best. He's the best.

Also, side note, shout out to all my stalkers. :) I really do appreciate you having any desire to hear what I have to say. And not feeling weird telling me that you stalk my blog. I mean, we're all friends here, right?

Have a lovely day, everyone!

     Reille K.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I'm sorry if you're sick of me this week...

If you follow me on Instagram you've seen SO much of my face this week. But in case you don't, you haven't seen my new locks! 


Eeeeeeeeeeee! Real life, guys! If you're new... this is what it looked like before... 


I cut off like, half my hair, at LEAST! It made me feel all kinds of nervous, to be honest. I was overly attached to my long flowing locks, in what now I feel like may have been slightly unhealthy even. I thought about my decision to cut my hair for over two months. It was a little scraggly at the ends, which took away from the overall prettiness of my hair. 

I went into this haircut thinking I would just kind of like it, and would deal with it until my hair grew out again. But, I actually love it! And it's getting rave reviews, which is great for my awkward self-esteem. I've always thought that I was a long hair girl through and through and I would hate having short hair and I would never cut it short again. I had a really traumatizing experience with a hair cut four years ago, which is what spurned my attachment to my hair in the first place. But, I feel like a new woman and I just, I LOVE IT! I felt like my personality is a long hair only personality, but this feels even more fitting, and I'm so glad I took the chance to whack it all off! 

Some of you may be wondering if I donated my length. Answer there is, I didn't. It was crazy layered, which is because my hair is crazy thick and coarse. So, they wouldn't have wanted it anyway. 

Hope you have a lovely day! 

     Reille K. 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A whole new wooooorld...

*Serious post ahead, prepare yourself.*
I've been contemplating this a lot lately, and trying to figure out how I wanted to blog about it. Because some information is super chill to share and some isn't necessarily mine to share and it's the internet and yada yada. But, it's an experience that has hugely shaped who I am today. And, I feel like it could possibly be a lie by omission in a way if I kept it to myself. A lie to you and a lie to me.

I'll be perfectly honest, I used to be HELLA judgemental. Like, I hate myself a little bit, still, to this day, because of it. I had a friend who was judgemental, and while I was with her, we would just talk about the people we "didn't like". We basically sat around judging people. Ugh. Even just knowing I was like that makes me sick. Anyway, I was like that all through Jr. High and let's be real, pretty much all of high school. We judged people for being "worse" than us, we judged people for being "better" than us. We judged everyone who wasn't US. And honestly? I'm SOOOO not one to judge. I'm not the smartest, the prettiest, the skinniest, the most talented, the best at anything. I still don't really understand it. I wasn't really ALWAYS like that, just with that specific person. I think the only time I would say that I was really judgemental all on my own would be like ninth and tenth grade. I come from a very interesting point of view. My dad drank coffee and smoked until I was five. His brother was gay and committed suicide (before I was born, but I feel really connected with him lately, another story for another day). My aunt was murdered. Like, things be cray. I just, don't really understand my own behavior, and I hate it.

But then I met another human who changed all of that.

His name is Clayton, and he's my best friend. If you've been here for a while, you've heard ALLLL about him and how great I think he is. But, I've left out one key detail that is important to this story. Clayton is gay. Now, I feel like a lot of you also know him, and you know this information already, but, for those of you who don't...

He told me... sometime. I don't really remember when or even what grade we were in. Maybe 11th grade? 12th? I don't know. I remember when he told me he was bisexual really vividly, because it was the first night I knew he was going to be my best friend. We were in driver's ed together and since our birthdays are in the same month, we were able to range together. And I believe it was the monday range or the thursday? But, we were alone in the car together without a pre-ranger. And it was the first of many deep, philosophical conversations. He told me and I was okay with it. I wasn't supportive or unsupportive, I just was. And then it later changed to just being gay.

My point in telling you this, is that this is someone that I already loved and I just learned new information about him. A lot of people view homosexuality as something that changes a person and all that garbage, when, it isn't. They're still the person you knew before, you just learned something new. It's the same as say, learning that they can play the piano. I think people are a little crazy when it comes to how sickeningly against homosexuality they are. And I want to vomit on people like that and then punch them in the face and uterus. Sorry if you are one of those people... Anyway, this experience changed how I viewed SOOO many things. It opened my mind and I saw the world in a completely different way. I can't imagine myself if I were still the grumpy, judgey garbage bag I used to be. Ugh, I would just swim in self-loathing every day.

I'm just so glad that I can more fully appreciate those around me now. And I can support them when a lot of people don't, whether it be about homosexuality or something else entirely. So, I guess, I'm thankful for my perspective. It's one of my best possessions, I think.

Hope I didn't offend anyone... ;)

Have a lovely day!

     Reille K.

Monday, March 4, 2013

But Lately...

The lyrics to "So Crazy" by The Bigger Lights.
They've just really been getting me lately. I feel slightly off kilter, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the lack of sleep? Trying to get used to a new schedule? Feeling like I'm going nowhere for now? Who knows? Maybe I really am going crazy...
I woke up at two
With nothing to do
But stare at the ceiling in my room
There's places I'll go
When I'm stuck here lyin' on the floor

I used to be me
I used to be something worth believing in until
I traded in my pills in booze
And caught the traveler's blues

I know I'm the only one to blame
For all of my self-inflicted pain
But when I'm alone at night
I curse my maker's name.

But lately I am so
Crazy, I don't know
How I got myself this way
Don't wanna be
Broken and alone
Again, on my own
I hate me lately
Think I may be goin' crazy, baby

I'm stuck in a rut
I'm wondering what
It's gonna take to pick me up
To put a new step in my shoes
And get me on my way

I watch the TV
It puts me to sleep
I run from the dreams between my sheets
Where all of the friends that I lost
Are waiting for me

I know I'm a total tragedy
A shell of a boy without the teeth
To look in the mirror and say
"A man don't live this way"


But lately I am so
Crazy, I don't know
How I got myself this way
Don't wanna be
Broken and alone
Again, on my own
I hate me lately
Think I may be goin' crazy, baby

But lately I am so
Crazy, I don't know
How I got myself this way
Don't wanna be
Broken and alone
Again, on my own
I hate me lately
Think I may be goin' crazy, baby

Cuz I may be goin' crazy, baby

I may be goin' crazy, baby

Now I know I'm goin' crazy, baby

Now you've got me goin' crazy, baby

One more time, Big Daddy!