Saturday, September 13, 2014

"One day I will find the right words..."

All the feels have been happening and I want to write about them so bad! I've had approximately six blog post topics floating around up there for weeks, but I simply can't find the words to write them. Which... doesn't happen very often for me.

I have a quote on my wall by Jack Kerouac, that I've had up there for a little over a year, that says, "One day I will find the right words and they will be simple." I put it up there to remind me to choose words that would get my point across more quickly. And to remind me that one day, when it really matters, the right words will come. And they won't be some grand monologue. They will be simple. I mean, most of the time, less is more. And the past few months, I've had those words running across my mind more and more.

I've never been one who is short on words. I have not, however, always been quite as outspoken as I am now. I know, you're SHOCKED. But, I always had the words I needed packed away in the boxes I kept in my head's attic. Lately, I can't figure out how to unpack the words that I need and put them together in a way that exactly expresses my feelings and thoughts. And I can't seem to fix it. And I don't like that. I've always been able to express myself, but I couldn't seem to figure this one out.

I have a specific something that I have been trying to decide how to say for closer to a year than not, and regardless of how many times I have come back to it, I haven't solved it. I feel like it's a very important expression of emotions that I don't think I fully understood until recently. Now that I understand them, I'm having a hard time finding the courage to say them out loud to the people that need to hear. And that hasn't happened to me since high school when I was the girl who was not outspoken and such. And I don't remember how I used to deal with that. I just keep thinking, that my "One day" to find the right words has got to be close. But, I have to say these feelings out loud, and deal with what happens after whether it be good or bad. I've never been more ready for it, if only that readiness is for my own mental health.

I'm so close to the right words, that I can taste them. And I hope they taste as good as I think they're going to. Anyway, Happy Weekend! 

     Reille K. :)