Sunday, February 22, 2015

why I don't subscribe to the Facebook lifestyle.

I rarely get on Facebook. And when I do, I leave feeling unfulfilled with my life and being a little sad about some of the choices that I have made. Why? Because I didn't go the traditional route. I didn't have a million friends in high school. And I didn't go to college right after graduation. And I didn't go on a mission. I'm not planning on going on a mission. I didn't meet tons of new friends in my college classes or dorm. I didn't get married before I had been out of high school for three years. And I definitely don't have a baby yet. I've still never even been kissed or had a boyfriend. 

Instead, I had every friend from high school fall out of my life. I started working at a dead end job for two years and I met the best friend that I have ever had there. One that I love enough to have moved out of my parents house for (I wouldn't and won't do that for... Anyone else. Except someone that I have hitched myself to for the rest of eternity). I've fallen in and out of love with the Gospel. I've had my ups and downs. I've had a few terrible dating experiences. And no good ones. I've gotten scars -- physical, emotional, and mental scars. I've grown and discovered things about myself that I wouldn't have unless my life had unfolded exactly the way that it has. 

But when I get on Facebook... And I see the pathways that everyone elses lives have taken them down... And I compare it to the pathway that I have been on... that's just it. I compare my journey to everyone else's when I get on Facebook. And I hate that. I can't stop doing it. Because it's human nature. That's become the norm of our society. Constantly comparing our everything to the "specifically engineered for the Internet" parts of everyone else's life. The only thing I can do is avoid it. And I'm honestly okay with that. Because why am I wasting time on the Internet when I can be off living my life instead?! I mean, I love the Internet as much as the next gal, but, I don't want to live there. 

So, I've been thinking about deleting my Facebook. Have any of you done it before? I've done a few social media fasts, and I still refuse to download Facebook back onto my phone... But, to completely delete my profile? It just seems like... A lot of things that I would be getting rid of. Although, it would completely purge my friends list of all those people that I never actually talked to in Jr. High and high school. And get rid of all those stupid, stupid things that I "became a fan" of, back when that was a thing. But, I would have to re-friend people, and build it back up, and I would lose all the ├╝ber cringe-worthy posts from Jr. High, that are always good for a laugh. I don't know... I doubt that I will ever actually delete my profile, because I've thought about it a lot for about two years and still haven't. But, the thought is there. For now, I think I'll just keep not using it. That sounds like the best plan. :)

I'll keep loving and living with the choices that I've made that have gotten me to where I am today and try to stop comparing my journey to everyone else's. 

Reille K. :) 

Sunday, February 1, 2015

jessica, my darling. :)

I've discovered that one of my most favorite gifts I can give someone, is to talk about how much I love them publicly. I don't do it very often, and I'm not going to go crazy and make it really long, because our relationship is special and I want to keep it all for myself, because I'm selfish like that. :)

As most of you know, I have a bestie named Jessica Price. When I met Jessica, I was in a pretty dark place, emotionally. I didn't realize how bad it was until I was dragged out of that hole. I don't think she will ever know just how much she saved me. It started out as a co-worker who I could fan-girl over One Direction with... But somewhere along the way, she became one of the most important people I my life. She's the first person I've ever been able to cry in front of - really cry - with snot streaming down my face and my feelings slipping past my blubbering lips. She's the only person I this world who knows all my secrets. She reminds me that I was smart and beautiful and worth loving - even when I feel most un-loveable. 

Jessica is one of the most extraordinary beings I have ever crossed paths with. She has forever changed my life; she has a way of doing that, changing people's lives. She has a way of being there for anyone, and sometimes (it feels like) everyone. It can be difficult to share her sometimes, but I can't really blame them. She is a precious gem, and I say that in the least sarcastic way possible. I don't deserve a friend like her, but I am very thankful that I have her. I have a difficult time believing that the people I love (outside of my family, they are stuck with me), are not going to leave me. In the past that's how it has always been. No one has stuck around. But I just know, that no matter where Jess and I end up, together or apart, we will always be friends. 

Love you, Bestie Jess.

Gossip Girl

     Reille K. :)