Oh, the future is near!

Let's start off with a little picture of sorts, yeah? 

And I'm SCARED TO DEATH. I don't want one of my best friends to move away to Logan. In a MONTH, basically. I don't want to NOT see all my friends. As much as I say I don't want to see all the people at school after we graduate, I'm still going to miss them. I feel like I'm barely getting to know them, and I doubt I'll see... any of them again, really. I used to say I wanted to grow up, I thought it would be easy. Well, it's not. I'm barely even growing up and I don't like it. Which brings me to...

Once upon a time, as I was falling asleep last night, this idea came into my head and it seemed like a really, kinda great idea. Here it is... "Don't go to college right away. Why should I? What is my motive for doing it right away?" Then I proceeded to weigh the pro's and con's of going in the fall and deferring for a semester or two. Pro's of deferring: MONEY (which gets like, five or six points towards pro's alone), I don't have to leave Minnesota early (which is kinda lame, but I really want to go to the Minnesota State Fair! And be with my sister on her birthday!), And I guess it's mostly the money thing. Cons: I was really only going because that's what society does after high school, I just don't have any money right now, and even working all summer, it won't be enough for even one semester. 

All in all, I think I made the right decision. 

My parents support my decision, so I think it's not too shabby of an idea. 

It's not like I'm never going to go to college. 

I WILL go to college. 

Why go into debt right out of high school when I don't really have to? 

I feel good about it. It's an EXTREME weight lifted off my shoulders. 

Once I get through my AP test next week, I think I'll be virtually stress free. Mostly. 

Now, I just have to decide if I want to stay in my home ward, and if I do, stay in Young Women's or go to Relief Society. OR go to Single's ward. A decision I have to make because I'm now 18. Which is probably what spurred me into my above decision. The fact that I am LEGALLY AN ADULT. Which is scary. 

I should go study for my AP test. Even though I don't really want to. But I HAVE to. 

So.

Goodnight!

xoxo, Reille K. 

I really just kind of love this picture. There is a whole story about Alot somewhere on the big old web, but I don't really want to go find it right now and I need to go study. But enjoy! He's so cute! 

Directioners, Morp, and Gratitude. (and congratulatory remarks and books)

I don't mean to disrespect. At all. But I just have one word to say. DIRECTIONERS.


You can like One Direction without having to be a so-called "Directioner". You can like them for their music and not their attractiveness, personalities, et cetera. Just because someone isn't totally obsessed with them, doesn't mean they can't enjoy their music, which is their main purpose in the first place. I mean honestly, people. Don't be hatin' and pretentious because someone doesn't know how to pronounce "Louis" correctly. I mean, I'm a pretty pretentious person and it bugs me when people freak out because of that. Then again, I'm really trying to work on it. 


I have NOTHING against Directioners, as I am one myself. But it really annoys me when people are super... hipster... about boy bands and stuff. It's like, really? They WANT to have a billion screaming fans, that's why they got into this business. So don't freak out because other people like them. Just take a chill pill. Relax. It's JUST a band. Think of it this way, you now have something in common with these people. A conversation topic. You just may surprise yourself if you give them a chance. They could be a future best friend. I mean really, my first conversation with one of my best friends started with me saying, "Don't you dare give me swine flu, or I'll blame you for the rest of your life and mine." And in that conversation he determined that I was gangster because I went to Orem Jr. and so on and so forth. The point is, I can't imagine my life without him now. 


Also, I once upon a time mentioned asking this attractive boy to Morp, found out today that he has already been asked. Blast-Ended Skrewt. I guess it's on to Plan B! Or rather... Plan C, since the boy I'm now asking's name starts with a C. Heh. Yeah, the joke was super lame. Don't worry, I know.


OH! And, once upon a time, well, my last post upon a time, I noticed that more people are starting to read my blog AFTER I wrote a post that I didn't expect to ever be read. HA! That was a silly mistake. But, I kept it really vague, so I guess it's not a big deal. But anyway, my point of this paragraph is THANKS. Thanks for reading my blog and making me feel like an interesting person. Thanks for silently motivating me to be a better blogger. And most of all, thanks for taking time out of your busy life to listen... read my ramblings about the things that I care about. :) I hope all of you have a FANTASTIC day. 




xoxo, Reille K. :)


P.S. My really good friend, well, I guess the better term would probably be one of my best friends from childhood that I still try to make the effort to sometimes stay in contact with.... anyway, he's the Student Body President at Mountain View next year! And I am super proud of him! I know he'll more than likely never see this, but still. I'm really happy for him, and you should be too. :)


P.P.S. My old seminary teacher wrote a book. I have yet to read it quite yet, but I'm still going to guarantee that it's going to be amazing. It's called... "Bring the World His Truth" by: Matthew B. Christiansen. You can get it at Seagull Book and it's brown and has a globe on the cover with gold letters. For reals, I can't wait to go buy it. I just have to get some moolah first. And he said he would sign mine and I'm really really excited. Really. Once I get around to the purchasing and reading of the book, I'll let you know how much I ended up liking it. :)


P.P.P.S. I'm reading this book called "Divergent" by Veronica Roth and I absolutely love it. I started it... yesterday? and I'm already almost done with the book. I don't have to wait TOO long for the next book, since I believe it comes out at the beginning of May, but even just those few weeks... or days, I guess. They will be torturous. :)

Since I'm almost positive no one reads this... Hopeless.

I will always be totally in love with this one guy from my past. Always. No matter how many times I try to make myself stop. Make myself believe that I don't. Tell myself it's never going to happen. 


If I even hear his name, he is then all I think about. ALL. I. THINK. ABOUT. For at least a week. 


He's my constant daydream. He frequents my asleep kinds of dreams too.


It's starting to drive me absolutely BONKERS. bananas. nuts. crazy. any and all other adjective that people are driven to. He goes to one of the other high schools in town, so I don't see him very often. And it kills me. 


He's incredibly great, and all of my friends seem to dislike him, but I don't have the problems that they do. 


Also. I want to go to Prom. But I want to go to Prom with someone I really like. I want it to be the magical night it is in the movies. I want it to be a night I'll never forget. But, seeing as Prom is next week and I've told people that I don't want to go to Prom because it happens to be my 18th birthday that day... I don't see that happening. But OH, if the stars aligned and that guy from my past were to show up on my doorstep that night and whisk me away to Prom, I would never stop smiling. EVER. I would take the chance I should have last year. I would set things in motion. If it didn't work out, I wouldn't feel like we're a loose end. A maybe someday. A could happen. 


Even if we didn't go to the actual Prom and just... hung out. Maybe even made it an actual date? Even if we just stargazed together (one of my frequent daydreams), then I would be extremely happy. 


*sigh* It probably won't happen. 
*sigh* I'll live if it doesn't.
*sigh* I just want to know where I stand with him.
*sigh* I just want to see if it would go anywhere.
*sigh* I really just kinda want to wait for him on his mission. Send him off... write letters... wait anxiously for his return for two years and be so overjoyed when he comes down that escalator and run to his open arms and just feel complete again...


I really am a hopeless romantic. Too bad I have no one to be hopelessly romantic with. 


Hopelessly yours, 
           Reille K.

A lovely song.

A Light on a Hill By: Jenny Phillips 

You are just one light in the darkness
Traveling by faith
But just one light
Is hope to the ones who’ve lost their way

[Chorus]
You are a light on a hill
It cannot be hidden
Cannot be still
Sharing His light
‘Til the whole world is filled
You are a light on a hill

In a world that’s lost and lonely
Heaven works through you
Bringing hope to those who are searching
For the truth

[Chorus]

Father rejoices on high
For the beauty that fills up your life
In all that you do
You have been true
And others can see Him through you

[Chorus]

There's a link to the Youtube video here...

I absolutely love this song. It's this year's theme song for camp. While I'm not going to camp, I find that this year, the message they are trying to send is one that all of us could use a little more of. We need to share our light and lift up others around us. This is the last dispensation, we have a responsibility to "share His light 'til the whole world is filled." Whether we are formally called missionaries that go out and serve for two years, or member missionaries, we have to share our light.

Judgy. Realizations. Just a bit of everything.

As the end of high school nears, I come to realize that I could have done things much differently. I wish I would have been less:
-judgmental
-not willing to get out there.
-unwilling to get to know certain people/types of people.
- and a whole slew of other things.
-fearful of EVERYTHING.

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.". -Franklin D. Roosevelt (his memorial in D.C. Is absolutely fantastic, btw.)

I mostly just wish I would have gotten to know more people and realized that I wanted to before it was too late and that I have a lot more in common with these people I call peers than I originally thought. We have the same goals, wants, thoughts, wishes, desires, tastes, etc.

"The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about." -Dr.Wayne Dyer

I wish I would have gotten off my high horse wayyyy sooner and been everyone's friend, always. Been more open to other people and their ideas. Basically, everything. I just could have done this whole "high school" thing a lot differently, and I'm recently realizing this. It would have been a slight more amount of effort, but I think it would have been worth it. I just got complacent and thought that my friends from Jr. High were all I would ever need. I didn't really join any clubs, where I would meet new people. I always wanted to do things with one of my good friends/best friends at my side, and if they weren't feeling it, I wouldn't do it either. I have made some new friends since Jr. High, but I feel like I happened upon them, with sheer luck, rather than seeking them out. I do feel pretty lucky to have found them, as I consider them some of my favorite people.

But there are those that I wish I would have gotten to know. I don't really want to name any names, to spare my pride, but I have a mental list. I don't really have a lot of guys friends though, which seems to be one of the roots of my issues with life. The result of this is that I have only been to one boys' choice dance, and that was with one of my very best of guy friends (and really the only one I've made since the good ole days). My 18th birthday and prom are on the same day this year, and I've yet to be asked, I don't know that I really wish to be asked right now, and I just don't really know about prom. Last year it was a bit underwhelming, but we had a small group so we were all a bit... A lot more self conscious about everything dance wise. But, it's cool, I have plans to watch a scary movie with my good friend Brit. Which I've been wanting to do for AGES, but Chels won't go near a scary movie, and I'm not about to go watching one by myself!

I just wish I would have plucked up the courage to strike out on my own terms and do things long before now. Things that are beneficial to me, at least. I have done things on my own before, I just... I don't know. I feel like I could be in a totally different place right now if I had made some different choices.

Well, that's it for tonight, hope you all have a dandy day!.... Errr, night. :)

Life is SCARY.

It is. Really. And as Graduation is ohhh, less than two months away, it's getting even scarier.

I have to register for college this week.
I have to get a job to pay for said college... ASAP.
I have to get through the rest of high school unscathed.
I have to ask a boy to Morp who I maybe, sort of like. A little.
I have to try to navigate through this crazy thing called "Adolescence". (Which, in case you were wondering, is the stage of life that you're an adult to some people and a kid to others so everything is super confusing and crazy and weird. Learned about it in Sociology.:))
I have to make it to my next doctor's appointment and...
I have to make an improvement before said doctor's appointment.
I have to stop wishing for my novel romance so maybe one day it'll happen.
I have to have to courage to make life happen.
I have to be less intimidating. (HA! I don't know how this would ever happen, since I don't think I'm intimidating at all... but I guess I could... try... to improve... on things.)
I have to work out all my issues.
I have to improve myself spiritually.
I have to do a lot of things. Just. A ton.
And writing things down for others to maybe see sometime kinda helps. I guess.
I have to improve on my blogging skills. I really want to be a legit blogger. I love the concept of blogging, and I just wish I didn't feel like a total derf when I did it.

All in all, we're all scared. Life is scary.