Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Why can't this just be normal?

So, I have a LOT going on next weekend. And I'm already kinda freaking out about it. I'll be a nervous WRECK for the next probably two weeks, maybe three. 

First: I signed up to help clean the church and go to the RS activity. Guys, I don't like cleaning, and I don't like making scarves. But, I thought it would be a good way to get to know people in the ward and blah blah blah. But... it's so uncharacteristic of me. Because I'm not social. I'm awkward. I don't like being the new kid. It's starting to really freak me out. ESPECIALLY because there is another girl in the ward that's also new, but she seems to be fitting in a lot better than me. But maybe it's because she's better at inserting herself in things and I'd rather sit off on the side and not talk to people. But, there's that. 

Second: I have to give a talk on Sunday. Kill me, guys. I'm so awkward and just a generally kind of nervous type of person. I hate it. I'm also a crier. Which, is NOT helpful. I cried when I gave a talk on the benefits of Preach my Gospel. Like, I cry to the point that it's ridiculous. I'm hoping and praying that it will be different this time. I'm also getting that panic-y feeling that I need to be done preparing my talk already, I won't have enough time. Even though I'm fine... I'm really out of practice on getting "school type assignments" done or even doing them in the first place. Also, no one is invited to come to my talk. I will hate you forever if you try to come. I think I might be okay, because the last talk I had to give was the same Sunday as a really popular kids mission farewell. Like, there were people filling the chapel, overflow, cultural hall, AND sitting on the stage. So, with only like 40 people TOPS, I can totally do this, right? Ugh. 

Third: I'm starting in a new area at Target next Monday. Which, is basically like getting a new job. And I'm FREAKING out. Meg tells me its super easy and the team is really nice, but that doesn't mean I'm not dying. I'm excited and nervous and queasy. And I have to wake up SOOO early. Like, 5:30 AM early. Which, if you know me, is going to be HARD. All through my school years... I gave myself MAYBE fifteen minutes to get ready. Like, my ride would come at 7:10 and I would wake up and get ready, including breakfast at 6:50. And have time to sit around for them most of the time. Maybe slip some studying in. So, waking up at 5freaking30 will be rough for a while. But, I'll get off at NOON, which is boss. And hopefully I'll be able to re-train myself to going to SLEEP at like 10:30. That would be great. 

Fourth: FHE next week is Laser Tag. Which, is fun and great and all. But, it's social. And I'm not good at social. I want to go, but I'm convincing myself not to because I'll be too tired from waking up early for work that day or what if it goes really late and I don't get to bed at a reasonable hour to be good to go for work the next day? 

Ugh. I'm pathetic. Why can't it just be normal for me to be social and junk? If it were JUST the talk and the job thing, I think I'd be exponentially less freaking out. But, the social stuff kills me. I hate it. 

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