Tuesday, January 8, 2013

What a weird thing...

Once upon a time, there is this Target thing we do called "Team Alignment". It happens about once a month (or at least that's how often it's SUPPOSED to happen. That doesn't mean it always does.) and mine happened to happen tonight! Anyway, it basically just making sure that I don't have any opinions and junk that need to be heard and I'm happy with how everything is and blah blah blah. You get the picture, right?

Well, my Team Lead was asking me all these things and if I had a problem with anything and I didn't have ANY. Which, is a pretty big deal for me. I'm a big complainer most of the time. For a while there I was really good at not doing it, but I've noticed that I've been doing it again. But this time, I really had nothing. At least not right off the bat. He asked if there was anything they could do to help with my overall well-being and I had nothing for that too. I remember using the phrase (which is what got me thinking about all this in the first place) "I'm actually really happy with where I'm at right now." And I am. Which... is so weird for me. It shouldn't be, but somehow, I'm okay with it.

I'm okay with being single (for what feels like the first time EVER.) I mean sure, if that changes, I'll be super okay with that too. But I'm not sitting there all day wishing that some guy, any guy would just ask me on a date, or show an iota of interest in me. Which, is a step in the right direction. Oscar Wilde wrote, "I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person." I have finally accepted my "alone" status, and I'm just working on improving myself and defining myself. Not wishing for something that isn't happening. And this makes me happy.

I'm okay with where I'm at physically. I've finally, FINALLY started to seriously look at what I put into my body and I'm trying to make it healthier. My DOCTOR has been "nagging" me for almost two years about losing weight. And telling me that it's bad for my health. And telling me that if I don't take it seriously then I'll get diabetes and horror story after horror story. And I always just kind of half-assed it so I would lose a tiny bit of weight before my next appointment or just sit there and agree with her that I really need to take control if I didn't lose any. I'm finally actively DOING something about it. I'm obviously not happy with my weight myself or I wouldn't be doing this. But my laziness has been keeping me from getting healthy. Which is ultimately what got me here in the first place. But I'm finally DOING something about it, which makes me happy.

I'm okay with where I'm at with school. I'm actually really glad I didn't just jump right into college. Sure, at first, I didn't do it because I was TERRIFIED, and used the excuse of not wanting to get into debt. It WAS a legitimate reason, the debt thing, but it was a little baby reason in comparison. I'll tell you more about it in another post, but this summer was TOUGH for me, and I just refused to grow up for about a month. Then everyone was on my back about getting a job and accepting some responsibility. And I finally just did it. Target was hiring, and it was a safe choice, since my sister and brother-in-law already worked there. I would have allies. And it worked out great!  But, working at Target also means seeing everyone and their dog that you haven't seen since Junior High or High School and every single one of them asking, "Where are you going to school?" Ha! Funny story! I'm actually not going to college right now. I'm just working. Saving money. Excuses excuses. But, eventually I was really okay with not going to college. And then I discovered what I REALLY wanted to do. And I have a plan and everything! A very legitimate and doable plan! In case you haven't been around long enough-- I'm doing a Phlebotomy (drawing blood and the likes) course this summer. Wooo! I'm excited. It'll be TOUGH, but it'll be good. Plus, my sister is doing it with me, so yay! Anyway, I'm really happy with where I'm at with that too.

I'm actually happy, guys. Which doesn't happen all that often. I mean, I have happiness and joy in my life. I'm not suffering with debilitating depression or anything like that. But I'm usually just wanting MORE. And I don't really do anything to GET more. I usually just sit around and wait for more to come to me. But right now, somehow, I'm good. I'm happy. I have a plan of attack. And it's not just a lofty dream, like the one I have of moving to Britain and Seattle. And meeting my favorite YouTubers whilst there and one of them falling in love with me. (Just one of my frequent daydreams. Good times.)

Happiness is hard to come by these days. So I'm going to just cling on to this bout of happiness like it's the last banana on the entire planet (even though I HATE bananas, it was just the first fruit I thought of).

I hope you have a lovely day!

       Reille K.

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