On a more personal note, we're going to talk about my body. Yes, awkward. And it'll be a longun. Feel free to leave.
I've never been one of those people that talks about their "health problems" with people. I even get weird when my mom talks about my health problems with other people. But, that's what this is about. I'm going to open up about this, because I feel like it's something I need to do as part of my healing process. And I'm finally ready.
Let's go all the way back to fourth grade. I've never been the most active, and it was then that I started to realize just how different I was. I noticed that I was bigger than the other girls, I already had boobs and was wearing a full-blown bra, not a little training bra (I skipped that whole thing). Which was fine, it wasn't all that big of a deal... yet.
The next year, I started my period. I was already going through puberty in ELEMENTARY school, and puberty = more body fat, as it is supposed to spread out and give you hips and boobs and make you look like a woman. Girls generally look a bit pudgy for maybe a year, and then it goes away. Well, this is for girls who are actually active... which I never was. Once I hit Jr. High, I couldn't run as fast as the other girls, I couldn't do sit-ups or push-ups. The day we did fitness testing was ALWAYS dreaded, throughout all my school years. And, I did nothing about it. Ever.
Ninth grade. My throat started to swell up right around my thyroid. I also sounded like a smoker for about a month and a half. But, my singing voice sounded GREAT. We went to the doctor eventually and he referred us to an Endocrinologist. I still generally refer to her only as "The Devil". She basically just gave me unnecessary drugs and called me fat. Her solution was to take out my thyroid, since it had a cyst on it. A BIIIIG one. Of course, as a teenager, I was all for it. I figured it was my only issue and once it was gone, I would be fixed. My mom wasn't having it. She wanted a second opinion and after about a year, we switched doctors. This is the fall of tenth grade at this point (I think).
So, Dr. Mahtab Sohrevardi. She's Iranian and full of spunk. She doesn't sugar coat anything, but she's also not a bitch (sorry for the language, but, it's merited in this case). You know that she's saying what she is because she want's you to get healthy, not because she wants you to pay her. Does that make sense?
When I started going to her, I weighed 233 lbs. Woaaaah. Right? I didn't realize it was that bad. I didn't put on weight in a really lumpy way, I was still shapely. And let's be real, my boobs are A LOT of that. Really though. DD's, guys. Anyway, she examined my body and looked for signs ON THE SURFACE. Did you know that your skin tells you a lot of what's going on inside? The color of your stretch marks and your elbows when your arm is extended can tell an attentive doctor if you have diabetes or not. Well, we did a billion and a half tests. Literally. They took nine vials of my blood and a cup of my pee. I also had to drink DISGUSTING orange liquid that is basically just sugar so they could test my blood sugar. And then I sat in the insanely boring waiting room/lobby for an hour. Anyway, results were-- Pre-Diabetes... and extremely low Vitamin D (but that's a baby issue in comparison).
I didn't really care that much. My doctor put me on medication and told me that I needed to lose weight, but the reality of the situation didn't ever sink in. I piddled around and tried Weight Watchers, that lasted a week. I tried this thing called Clean in Junior year, I think that lasted about two weeks. Over the course of about two years, I lost 25 lbs. Not actively, not really. It just kind of happened. I tried to eat a little better, I had a "P.E." class. My lowest weight was around 206-208 lbs. but Senior year I was busy studying for AP Psych and I went back up to 219 lbs. And I just lived with it for a while.
Then, I got sick of it. So I decided to start counting calories with this New Year. Change my lifestyle, because that's what it takes. I also watch The Biggest Loser now... and I cry every single episode. It's great motivation though. I know what these people have been dealing with. I feel the elation when they have a big weight loss that week. I feel the pang of despair when they get eliminated. But guys, it's working. Calorie counting. It's not always easy because eating is more than just filling my stomach now, but it's definitely been paying off. I've been doing it for... about two weeks I think and I've already lost 8 lbs. It's been grand. I eat healthier because I know the difference between good calories and bad calories. And I try so hard not to eat any fast food, for the most part, because I know it'll just undo all the progress I've made. And I can't even eat a lot of sugar anymore. I tried to eat a bunch of caramel popcorn one night and I felt SOOO sick. It's been so good, guys. So good.
Thanks for sticking around if you did. I'm sure it's been relatively boring for the most part, but it was definitely necessary. :)