Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Is it me?

I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I think A LOT. Not just your general think, obviously every single person is constantly thinking even if you don't realize it. Otherwise your brain would be all kinds of dead... did that make sense? Anyway... 

Back to thinking. I'm a very active thinker, and I contemplate the past pretty often, including past relationships. I think about what these people that used to be a big part of my life and are no longer are doing now. Who do they spend their time with these days? Do they think about me? Could I have done something different? Are there still unresolved feelings? Do they harbor any hatred towards me? Would I be different if we were still friends? (The answer to this one is always YES.) Do they even THINK about me? Are they wondering the same things about me as I am wondering about them? Do they miss me? Do they remember the good times over the bad? 

I know. Imagine what it's like inside my brain. Sometimes it gets exhaustin', I tell ya! (An old friend commented on my blog the other day, and that's what got me thinking about all this business.)

I do this with different humans ALL the time. I mean, it's obviously not overtaking my life or anything crazy like that. But, I do think about people often. People I used to be friends with and for one reason or another, we just aren't anymore. Whether it was a deliberate, "We're no longer friends" or simply just growing apart. 

I also feel as though I've HAD a lot of friends, but I've been awful at keeping them. I feel as though I've had "the friendship break-up" talk more than you're average human being. And it breaks my heart a little bit, but I've also realized that I haven't always been the greatest human. I haven't always been so sensitive to others emotions and needs as I've come to be now. I actually used to really suck. But! I've grown out of that garbage. Yay! 

My favorite break-up line? "I think you should find another ride." Straight to the point. We didn't have to have the awkward discussion... which actually happened a lot in that relationship. It's fine, she taught me not to be a coward about my feelings. But for reals. It was a really rough one, and a very blunt one. I wonder about her probably the most out of everyone. Well... the second most. 

The longest I have been BEST FRIENDS with someone is 4 1/2 years and that just doesn't seem very long compared to everyone else's, "We've been best friends since we were 5 years old." I don't know what it is! I don't know if it's me, something that I keep doing? Or is it everyone else? 

But my current bestie, I know, will be around for a LOOOOOONG time. There's no escaping me, Clayton! :) 

I wasn't expecting this to turn into what it has... sorry if it's kind of boring. Thanks for sticking around if you've made it this far! I guess I've been thinking about "friends" a lot more than I thought lately. 

        Reille K. 


  1. Reille. you are great.
    I just really like you.
    I do the same thing sometimes, wonder if something is wrong with me because I have had a lot of friends and not many for very long.
    I think i'm in a good place with friends right now though.
    Choosing to incorporate the people I like in my life and leaving out the ones who I don't.
    But I do think a lot about past friends, mostly because I'm almost certain they never think about me.

    I love you and your blog.

    1. Oh Ruth. You and your comments and your blog and your crazy musical talents just always make my day. Thank you, thank you. :)


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