Back to thinking. I'm a very active thinker, and I contemplate the past pretty often, including past relationships. I think about what these people that used to be a big part of my life and are no longer are doing now. Who do they spend their time with these days? Do they think about me? Could I have done something different? Are there still unresolved feelings? Do they harbor any hatred towards me? Would I be different if we were still friends? (The answer to this one is always YES.) Do they even THINK about me? Are they wondering the same things about me as I am wondering about them? Do they miss me? Do they remember the good times over the bad?
I know. Imagine what it's like inside my brain. Sometimes it gets exhaustin', I tell ya! (An old friend commented on my blog the other day, and that's what got me thinking about all this business.)
I do this with different humans ALL the time. I mean, it's obviously not overtaking my life or anything crazy like that. But, I do think about people often. People I used to be friends with and for one reason or another, we just aren't anymore. Whether it was a deliberate, "We're no longer friends" or simply just growing apart.
I also feel as though I've HAD a lot of friends, but I've been awful at keeping them. I feel as though I've had "the friendship break-up" talk more than you're average human being. And it breaks my heart a little bit, but I've also realized that I haven't always been the greatest human. I haven't always been so sensitive to others emotions and needs as I've come to be now. I actually used to really suck. But! I've grown out of that garbage. Yay!
My favorite break-up line? "I think you should find another ride." Straight to the point. We didn't have to have the awkward discussion... which actually happened a lot in that relationship. It's fine, she taught me not to be a coward about my feelings. But for reals. It was a really rough one, and a very blunt one. I wonder about her probably the most out of everyone. Well... the second most.
The longest I have been BEST FRIENDS with someone is 4 1/2 years and that just doesn't seem very long compared to everyone else's, "We've been best friends since we were 5 years old." I don't know what it is! I don't know if it's me, something that I keep doing? Or is it everyone else?
But my current bestie, I know, will be around for a LOOOOOONG time. There's no escaping me, Clayton! :)
I wasn't expecting this to turn into what it has... sorry if it's kind of boring. Thanks for sticking around if you've made it this far! I guess I've been thinking about "friends" a lot more than I thought lately.