it never seemed like we were really all that close. I'm always surprised, even after it's been this long, that people are shocked that we are no longer friends. I guess everyone thought we were the closest, and shared all our secrets, and were really the best of friends...
but we never were.
I'm surprised it even lasted that long, to be honest. It was a long time coming.
I read what I wrote about us in my smashbook at the beginning of the summer, and none of it is true, in the long run.
Which makes me think that with some things, nothing is ever really true.
And that thought makes me really sad.
I thought we would be friends forever.
I thought our kids would be best friends.
It's just so weird that it felt so real while it was happening, but it was really all so fake.
I still can't believe how superficial our relationship really was.
I still wonder how she's doing.
Especially when people ask me as if I would obviously know, when I basically haven't talked to her since graduation. That's what really gets me going. Then I start missing her and missing all the good times, forgetting the awful times. The repressed feelings times. The not-being-able-to-be-myself times in fear that she would start disliking me for being who I am.
It wasn't until much later in the relationship, towards the end, on the downward slope that I even noticed. And then I hated myself for allowing that to happen in my life. I hated myself for a good year before I put a stop to it. I decided that I didn't want to be that person anymore, so I stopped. Right then. And though the times are still hard and life gets me down sometimes, I don't think I've ever been happier.
It's still weird that people still see us as a package deal. It's been so long.
Sorry for the downer post, but until next time...
P.S. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out the day after Christmas. I'll try my best to document it all for you guys. I might even be able to convince my mother to record it. Wouldn't that be a gem?!
P.P.S. I just bought tickets to go see Les Miserables at 10pm on Christmas. And I'm going to cry my eyes out. And I'm going to absolutely love it. I can barely even watch the trailers without losing it. And I think it'll be JUST what I need.
P.P.P.S. Do you know what P.S. stands for? and why you repeat the 'P' instead of the 'S'? It stands for 'Post Script'. So if you add another, it's 'Post Post Script' and so on, rather than 'Post Script Script', because that just makes no sense. You're welcome, for the... English lesson. Also, the three periods '...' is called an ellipses. So use it correctly and always put three. Not two. Not four. Not five. Get it right, humans. :)
K, bye for reals.