Sunday, November 4, 2012

Gratitude, Sentiments, and Junk. (Part one)

Alright. Everyone and their dog has been posting on facebook and instagram and blogging about something each day that they are grateful for. But, let's be real. That is a lot of work for me. I know, I'm ridiculous. I also really want to be that kind of person, but it's just... too much. I also feel like I would be incredibly ungrateful... can I call myself an Ingrate? Is that a thing? (it is, I checked.) if I didn't talk about what I'm grateful for and do it just as much as everyone else. So! Brilliant idea--I'm going to do three posts, because one is really hard and would be insanely long. With 10 things I'm grateful for each. 30 total. One for each day of this month. And I feel like I can ramble a bit about each thing on here, so it's even MORE special and sentimental and junk like that. So, here goes.

I'm grateful for...

1- My family. Oh my gracious, they are absolutely fantastic. I absolutely LOVE them. Each and every one of them. My parents are so great and support me in pretty much anything I want to do. And they drive me around and let me borrow their cars all the time since I'm a loser and still don't have my own vehicle (I'm getting close though, no worries). My siblings are always there for me, and probably know me the best. Out of anyone in the world. And I can't even imagine life without them. I'm so glad we have the opportunity to spend eternity together. I just... I love them so much and am so grateful that I was placed with them in this life. I can barely even find the words to describe it. That's how grateful I am.

2- Clayton. This kid is my absolute best friend. I can literally tell him anything in the world and he won't disown me or anything. I love him to death, and I'm going to miss him SO much if/when he moves to St. George at the beginning of the year. Seriously. The second I get my own car, I'm planning a road trip to visit him. Already. I just... can't even believe that I am so blessed with a bestie as great as him. As weird as this sounds, I'm really glad I was a super weird germaphobe (is there even a correct way to spell that?!) sophomore year and that he got swine flu during the crazy paranoid time, and I turned around and threatened his life if he gave it to me. I think I'm most myself with him (outside my family, obviously), and we're sometimes almost the same person. I can tell what he's saying when he doesn't even use real words. I... am so grateful for him. So so grateful.

3- The gospel. Holy buckets. The restored gospel of Christ is literally the best. I can't even imagine where I would be in life without it (actually, I can. And I hate that person. A lot. She really sucks... anyway...). It has helped me infinitely. I would actually be miserable without it. I went through a really rough time... the summer after my junior year of high school. I still went to church and all, but my personal habits were dismal. And I was MISERABLE. I actually didn't fully resolve it all until Easter Sunday of this year (which was actually perfect, as that day is all about The Atonement, I'll get into it a bit more in a minute.) But, if I weren't able to have the knowledge that this gospel has given me? I don't think I could live my life. I wouldn't know about eternal families.  Or priesthood power. Or The Atonement. Or temple ordinances. Or... true, pure happiness. To be perfectly honest.  It is literally my lifeline. My anchor. I know I'm not always the perfect example. I know I sometimes (or most times, since I'm being honest) don't read my scriptures every day. And I know I don't pray as much as I should. But that doesn't mean I believe it any less. I feel like, I almost always have a prayer in my heart. And I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. And I know that this gospel is true. With all my heart. I know it. And I'm so grateful.

4- The Atonement. Keeping on with my little spiritual theme for a moment... I never really knew what it was like to repent. Not really. I knew there were... steps, if you will. We all learn them in Primary, Sunday School, and Young Womens. I think they might be... Recognize, Forgive yourself, Settle it with other people should they be involved, Pray and Repent to your Heavenly Father, and then Speak to proper Priesthood authority if necessary. Or something of the sort. Honestly? I never really paid much attention during those lessons, because I never thought I would really need it. But then, I made a HUGE mistake. I won't go into it, but I was miserable. I hated myself. And I knew that I was sinning. But did that make me stop? No. The expression "Curiosity killed the cat" comes to mind when I think back to that time of my life. Anyway, I began praying. And I tried so hard to occupy myself with other things at all times and avoid my... triggers, if you will, like the plague. And I was finally able to  stop, with a lot of prayer and hard work. But I knew I wasn't done. The second I said something to my bishop, and he teared up and told me that Heavenly Father forgave me. I literally felt it. I finally felt that peace that I had always heard about. I finally felt the weight lift. And my heart expand with His love, and pride in me that I had finally done that. I let out a contented sigh, and I finally knew what my P. blessing was talking about when it said I would take the sacrament with great love, or something like that. And it was very fitting, being Easter Sunday. I was actually there for my seminary worthiness interview. Woo! I was really worthy then. And it felt awesome. Since then, I'll admit, I've slipped a few times. But, I've always gotten right back on the wagon. And I know I'm okay. I know that The Atonement is working in my life every single day. And I don't know what I would do if I wasn't able to repent of my sins. And wasn't able to be cleansed of them.

5- My job. Yes, I'm grateful to work at Target. I feel like it gives me purpose, even if it's a slightly ridiculous purpose. It is literally just a whole bunch of service. My job is to serve. I give service to the people I work with. The people I work for. The people who shop at Target. The people who ask me questions, for advice on what to wear, if things go together well, etc. I know it's a little weird, but I actually really like working there. Even if I sometimes complain about it a lot. It's just because I'm inherently lazy, or I mostly feel like I am. It makes me feel weird when my leadership tells me that they see a lot of potential in me. Simply because I feel like I'm just doing my job, not anything really noteworthy. But I suppose they see it differently.

6- Lexis. This girl. She came into my life at a time where I was starting to feel... a little lonely and lost. And I  felt like I had a single friend (Clayton). She has become my work bestie. And she has been such a blessing. It helps me look forward to work when I know that we'll have even part of a shift together. I can talk to her about boys, and I don't feel like a super dork. We both are driven crazy by the same things and people. I'm just, incredibly grateful that by some miracle, she's in my life.

7- The Internet. I know, so cliche! But for reals, one morning our internet was down and my phone network wasn't really working and I felt SO LOST. I couldn't facebook or blog about my frustrations with having no internet. I couldn't drown my sorrows in a few episodes of some foreign tv show on Netflix. I couldn't listen to music on Pandora. Or check Instagram. Or watch DailyGrace on YouTube. It was absolutely PATHETIC. So, instead of coping with the problem like a normal human, what did I do? I went back to bed. And took a morning nap before work. Plus, I love connecting with people over the internet. I wouldn't be able to do this post without the internet. I wouldn't know any of you lovelies as well. I wouldn't be absolutely in love with a handful of British YouTubers, and hope that someday when I visit/move to England I can meet one of them in a coffee shop and we can instantly click and fall in love and then get married. The internet also supplies a lot of characters for my daydreams. Sometimes they have characters from real life in them... but still. We wouldn't have iTunes without the internet! Just think of it. We would ALL live in really small bubbles if we didn't have the internet.

8- Art. Ohhhhh, art. It makes the world a much more beautiful place to be. And brings so much joy. It also brings people together. Which I love. Two completely different people, leading different lives, with completely different lifestyles can be brought together by a single piece that they both like. It's amazing. I just... I'm grateful that there are people out there that are comfortable putting little pieces of themselves out into the world for us to enjoy.

9- My puppies. They aren't really puppies anymore. But I will call them that until the day they die. They're my cuddle buddies. They comfort me when I'm sad. And jump up and down with me when I'm happy. And curl up next to me when I sleep, letting me know that I'm not alone. They're always there to talk to. And they're just so darn adorable! Even when they whine all throughout dinner. Or poop in the hall. Or bark incessantly, really loud when they want a bone or to go outside. Or scratch at your door to get out in the mornings so it squeaks. I love 'em.

10- My Grandma. She is incredible. She is always doing things for other people. And she drives me to work ALL the time. And we go to lunch together a lot. And she's stubborn. And opinionated. And so amazing. She is so determined to get a Temple quilt done for each grandkid. Which, she is a phenomenal quilter. She has hand-quilted countless quilts. For a slew of people. She is insanely talented. She can sew just about anything. I love her so much.

There it is. The first 10 things that I'm grateful for. I hope you enjoyed. I hope it was all you were dreaming it would be and more. I hope I made you cry with how beautiful my sentiments were (I joke). Tell me what you're grateful for. :) Until next time...

      Reille K.

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