Sunday, October 7, 2012

As the dust settles

Alright. Let me preface this by thanking everyone for their overwhelming faith IN ME. I had a good handful of people yesterday that encouraged me to serve a mission, told me that they thought of me when the announcement was made, etc. And I feel honored that I came to so many people's minds, but here's the sitch. 

I was fine, normal even, no great promptings and personal revelations to be spoken of FOR MYSELF. Then, between the two sessions, I obviously got on facebook, and the realization of just how impactful the announcement was, and for how many people. I started thinking about the times I had pondered the idea of going on a mission, and I felt like I SHOULD be feeling the same way as my fellow young ladies of the church. I got caught up in the craziness and excitement of it all, and didn't take the time for myself to stop. Take a breather. Think for myself. I GOT CAUGHT UP IN A RIGHTEOUS MOB MENTALITY (psychology reference! Learn it, live it, love it). I didn't have an unrestricted amount of time after I wrote my last post, as I thought I should focus on getting a grip before I had to go to work at seven. So I just put it out of my mind and went on with my day. Once I got to work, and ended up zoning jewelry, meaning that I was basically alone for almost the entire five and a half hours that I was there, I let myself go back to it (ew, that's a run-on sentence... let's just pretend that didn't happen). I thought about where I was in life. What I had gone through to get to where I am. I thought about where I'm at spiritually, and what I was really feeling. I thought about how I still have six months until I'm even nineteen and how that's the MINIMUM age. 

By the end of work, I had gone in circles and not really came to a conclusion yet. Even though I didn't get home until after 12:30 AM, I pulled out my Patriarchal Blessing and got to work. Some background: I take notes on what I'm feeling and what I get out of my P. Blessing every time I read it. No matter how short/long it's been since the last time. I first read through my blessing. It was the first time I had read through with eyes looking for specific revelation, a specific answer to a specific question. I saw a few things on the first page that COULD indicate a mission, but I saw those through academic eyes, not spiritual ones. I got to the second page. My favorite part, ever since the night I heard it. It talks about my future husband and family. I've always been insanely excited to finally meet the man that it talks about. I finished reading, and then moved on to the notes I've made over time. Reading through them, I had a little baby inkling that I was getting closer to my answer. And last of all, after I had pondered the question and come to the answer I thought was right for me, I knelt in prayer and took it up with my Heavenly Father. And I was surprised by what happened. I prayed first about going on a mission, and I didn't really feel the Spirit, but I felt peaceful. I felt the need to pray about the second page of my P. Blessing though. And the second I finished that specific question, I felt an overwhelming outpouring of the Spirit. I got my answer. 

For now, I'm not going to PLAN on going on a mission. I'm not ruling it out, I'll still hear people out if they want to talk to me about it. And there's no doubt that it would be an amazing experience, and it would definitely make me a better person, disciple, and eventual mother. But, I don't feel like it's exactly my cup of hot chocolate right now. It could be eventually, but I wasn't planning on going on a mission before the announcement. I wasn't planning on getting married before that age either. I don't think that the simple issue of a minimum age should be THE THING that changes my mind. It's not about the age, it's about the personal circumstance. 

1 comment:

  1. Reille, I love the process that you went through. Thanks for sharing. I really do truly appreciate your example :)


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