This weekend has been... just, weird, for me. I wrote this right after my meeting with a bishopric member and during some of sacrament meeting and if I'm remembering correctly, I was planning on posting it here... I had a headache that had lasted for days and days and I was in an emotionally fragile state, so I don't REALLY remember my intentions...
"Oh my GOSH, people. I could just die right now. This has been a weird weekend. First, my team lead asked me to be the new team trainer for Instocks on Saturday morning. He didn't want me to feel pressured or obligated or whatever, which I did, but because I feel obligated to do what people ask me to do in most cases. He said I could have the weekend to mull things over, and I took Saturday. I thought about it, I talked to my parents, I mentioned it to a few other people; and I just couldn't bear to say no. I know the other people on the team didn't really want to do it either, and obviously he wouldn't have asked me if he didn't think I could do it. So, I'm trying it out. If its REALLY horrible awful, and just not working, then we'll figure something else out. But, thus far, I feel like I'm going to get super OCD about it and go a little crazy.
And THEN, I got a message from a member of the bishopric yesterday saying that he wanted to meet with me. And if you're LDS, you know that a meeting with a bishopric member = a calling. OYYYYY. So, we planned on noon thirty today, I rushed home from work and changed into a dress super quick then came to the church. They called me to be... *drum roll*... a Relief Society Instructor. You guys, I died. I'm dying. I'm dead. I don't know what just happened. I feel SO unprepared for all this, but that means that it's something that I need and I'm meant to do it. Remember how I felt like I just NEEDED to go to the Singles Ward? And I don't think I mentioned this, but once upon a time, the same bishopric member that extended the calling to me (Brother Davis) said that he felt that I was in the right place and that I was meant to be in the ward at that time. He said this in the middle of the "new member meeting" that my ward does and it really struck me. I obviously had to hide just HOW much it hit home, because I didn't want to be the weird new girl that cried in the new member meeting...ha! It was just what I needed to extra confirm to me that I had made the right choice to go to the Singles Ward on top of the temple trip with Danielle and the smoothness of being released and such from Nursery. Well, I think this is my purpose. And even though it feels SO right, I still feel like a little baby guy and so not ready to teach the girls that are all older than me, and have gone on missions, and have had more life experience, and all that jazz. It freaks me out a little. Okay, it freaks me out a LOT. This is a way to put myself out there, which I haven't really done since like, Jr. High. The RS President seems to think that I have "awesome skills" and such when it comes to this, and she can't wait to see them in action. And my home teacher, who is just, so great at being my home teacher, asked if I was excited for my new calling and I told him that I felt weird and not old enough and unprepared and all those things. And he said, "You know, that's okay. Because you can take what you know, and then the Holy Ghost can fill in the blanks for you. And it will be great." That really helped. And my ward friend Kristy was literally, like, shouting for excitement when I told her, because she missed the sustaining bit, and she was like, "Ah, you'll do so good, I'm really excited! I can't wait!" And all those emotions. So, I mean, everyone is on my side. I just, you know, want them to get stuff out of the lessons... and I feel like it's a really important job, but it's also really scary for me. At least it's RS, and not Sunday School... I mean, it's all girls, so if I cry or something, they just get it. Not that it wouldn't be that way in Sunday School, but I personally would feel more comfortable with it. Ha, I have a weird thing about crying in front of people in general, but it's even more so when the male species is involved. It just, freaks me out. *SIIGGGHH* Relief Society Instructor. It's just... oy."
So, that's what I was feeling in the midst of all the madness. And a little bit after too... so like, all of church, basically.
I think the Bishop could tell I was freaking out a little and feeling not so prepared. And so did Brother Davis. And they were both like, no really, you'll do great. The girls will participate (which, they totally will, my ward is really great at that. So, WHEW.) and it's not JUST you teaching. The Spirit will help you. I just, it feels BIG. And big is scary.
During Sunday School, the girl teaching (her name is Cora, and I really love her lessons) said this in response to what someone said, " Don't let your questions overcome what you DO know. Don't let your doubts overcome what you DO know." I can't, for the life of me, remember what the person said, but I remember that. Even without writing it down all the way. It was PERFECT, it reminded me that I just have to tell them what I know, and that's enough. That's all I CAN do. And the Spirit will hopefully be with me and people can interpret it so it's what they need to hear.
I know I'll be fine, and I know it'll be great, and I'll eventually be super comfortable with it and stuff. But for now, I just need to freak out a little. And figure out how people know how long their lesson is going to be. Do you like, rehearse it all out? I don't even... I don't know. I guess I'll figure it out!
Well, I hope you all had a grand Sunday. And I hope this week is great for all of you lovelies, too!