"There was something really great about being able to put something out into the world-- a song, an introduction, even my voice-- and let people make of it what they wanted. I didn't have to worry about how I looked, or if the image of me people had fit who I really was."
Just Listen by Sarah Dessen
I found this quote whilst re-reading (for literally, like, the twentieth time) one of my favorite books this past week. One thing that you probably don't know about me is that I LOOOVE quotes. If I find a passage from a book while I'm reading, I stop and write it down really quick and then add it to a book of all of them when I get the chance.
Anyway, this is how I feel about blogging. I put little pieces of myself out there for the world to get out of it what they get out of it, and I don't worry about the rest. I don't worry if I have horrible grammar, which I'm sure I do sometimes. I don't worry if I don't LOOK just right. I do it for me, and it feels great.
As I'm sure you already know, I got a new, scary calling last Sunday. And my feelings about it have been a roller-coaster all week long. At first, I was TERRIFIED. Then, I sat down and read my lesson, thinking I would only be reading it and taking a few notes on what I COULD do, and ended up planning the whole thing. I was super pumped for it at that point, since everything just kind of fell into place. But, of course, as the week has progressed, those feelings of doubt have slowly been creeping in and I'm getting nervous all over again. I think my brain has been trying to block out just how soon I'll have to do it and then every time I remember, I freak out again. Which has been SUPER fun, let me tell ya.
But when I saw this quote, and thought about how it applied to me, I realized that I could MAKE it apply to my calling too. It will be just like when I write more spiritual posts, which I've been known to do, but instead of hitting "Publish", I'll be saying it in front of the girls in my ward. And they can add in whatever they want to, and get out of it what they want to.
When I was in my home ward, I was the oldest of the young women for a while. So, in the face of that, I felt that I needed to be a really good example for the girls. I always spoke up in class and offered up answers to everything when no one else would. I was boss at that. But, since then, I've curled back into my shell a little bit, and I don't participate as much. I have stopped feeling like my answers are right, or good enough, or worth sharing. And, honestly, I HATE it. I hate myself for not speaking up. I think Heavenly Father got this message that I didn't even send and decided that this would help me fix it, along with giving me so many other things, as well as most likely blessing the women of my ward.
Even though I feel extremely unprepared, this is where I need to be right now. And, I think I've finally got things figured out; which doesn't happen very often for me. ;)
Have a lovely weekend!