Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A whole new wooooorld...

*Serious post ahead, prepare yourself.*
I've been contemplating this a lot lately, and trying to figure out how I wanted to blog about it. Because some information is super chill to share and some isn't necessarily mine to share and it's the internet and yada yada. But, it's an experience that has hugely shaped who I am today. And, I feel like it could possibly be a lie by omission in a way if I kept it to myself. A lie to you and a lie to me.

I'll be perfectly honest, I used to be HELLA judgemental. Like, I hate myself a little bit, still, to this day, because of it. I had a friend who was judgemental, and while I was with her, we would just talk about the people we "didn't like". We basically sat around judging people. Ugh. Even just knowing I was like that makes me sick. Anyway, I was like that all through Jr. High and let's be real, pretty much all of high school. We judged people for being "worse" than us, we judged people for being "better" than us. We judged everyone who wasn't US. And honestly? I'm SOOOO not one to judge. I'm not the smartest, the prettiest, the skinniest, the most talented, the best at anything. I still don't really understand it. I wasn't really ALWAYS like that, just with that specific person. I think the only time I would say that I was really judgemental all on my own would be like ninth and tenth grade. I come from a very interesting point of view. My dad drank coffee and smoked until I was five. His brother was gay and committed suicide (before I was born, but I feel really connected with him lately, another story for another day). My aunt was murdered. Like, things be cray. I just, don't really understand my own behavior, and I hate it.

But then I met another human who changed all of that.

His name is Clayton, and he's my best friend. If you've been here for a while, you've heard ALLLL about him and how great I think he is. But, I've left out one key detail that is important to this story. Clayton is gay. Now, I feel like a lot of you also know him, and you know this information already, but, for those of you who don't...

He told me... sometime. I don't really remember when or even what grade we were in. Maybe 11th grade? 12th? I don't know. I remember when he told me he was bisexual really vividly, because it was the first night I knew he was going to be my best friend. We were in driver's ed together and since our birthdays are in the same month, we were able to range together. And I believe it was the monday range or the thursday? But, we were alone in the car together without a pre-ranger. And it was the first of many deep, philosophical conversations. He told me and I was okay with it. I wasn't supportive or unsupportive, I just was. And then it later changed to just being gay.

My point in telling you this, is that this is someone that I already loved and I just learned new information about him. A lot of people view homosexuality as something that changes a person and all that garbage, when, it isn't. They're still the person you knew before, you just learned something new. It's the same as say, learning that they can play the piano. I think people are a little crazy when it comes to how sickeningly against homosexuality they are. And I want to vomit on people like that and then punch them in the face and uterus. Sorry if you are one of those people... Anyway, this experience changed how I viewed SOOO many things. It opened my mind and I saw the world in a completely different way. I can't imagine myself if I were still the grumpy, judgey garbage bag I used to be. Ugh, I would just swim in self-loathing every day.

I'm just so glad that I can more fully appreciate those around me now. And I can support them when a lot of people don't, whether it be about homosexuality or something else entirely. So, I guess, I'm thankful for my perspective. It's one of my best possessions, I think.

Hope I didn't offend anyone... ;)

Have a lovely day!

     Reille K.

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