Saturday, November 14, 2015

why I write.

This was originally another page on my blog, but I've decided that it's more post-y type material. So, here we are...

People have different reasons to write. And here's mine.

That's one reason. Writing it all out and just letting the words flow from my fingertips helps me sort it all out. And by "it all", I mean all the thoughts that float around in my head at a constant, fast-paced rate. I feel like when I SAY what I think, my mouth gets left behind while my thoughts race ahead and then I stumble over things. But somehow, when I write, that doesn't happen.
I also write because this is a way that I express myself. My thoughts, my feelings, my opinions. It's my little slice of home on the Internet. More so than any profile or whatnot on any social media website, because this is ALL ME. What you see here, is basically what you get in real life. And that's important to me. I don't filter what I write about because so-and-so might see it and be offended. Or someone that doesn't even exist in my life yet won't like it. I write FOR ME, and if you want to read it, great! Thank you so much for caring what I have to say and offer the world. If you don't like it, I'm not forcing you to be here. And that's fine.
I feel like my blog has been an essential tool in my process of "growing up". And it's definitely been a process. It's helped me to realize that I DO have things to say. And that I shouldn't tuck them away and not tell anyone what I really, truly think and feel.
Of course, I still get that clinchy, "Ooh, should I post this one?", feeling for a good amount of my posts. But when I get that feeling, I think those end up being the posts that I'm most proud of. It's still hard to put my feelings on display for potentially ANYONE with the internet to see, but, I mean, free speech and all that jazz.
And that. I've always had a hard time loving myself. I was always the "fat girl" or the "really smart girl" or "the best friend" or whatever other label has ever been stuck on me in my life. Not that those are all negative, but I always let those labels define me. And writing has helped me to shed those labels, and become more comfortable in my own skin. It's helped me to feel a sense of community, however small, on the internet and realize that I'm not alone. That people care what I have to say. And they like it because with each post, they get a little window into who I really am. People can FEEL that I'm telling them exactly how I feel, exactly what I think. There's no holding back on here. And it's nice to have a place where I can do that, and that it isn't some little journal that, chances are, no one will ever see. I "watered myself down to please people" for far too long, and I was MISERABLE. But, since shedding that persona and writing it out, I HAVE found a love for myself that wasn't there before, and I've discovered who I am.
I write because that's just who I am now. And I kind of like that person.
As always,

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