I have a disease. One where I do a brave thing and then once it has happened, I regret doing that brave thing. Because I have successfully pushed myself out of my comfort zone. And usually in a way that I can't just be out of it for like, a second, and then hop right back in. But once I am back in the safety of my comfort zone, I am back to being okay and happy that I did the brave thing. I guess it's just like a form of situational anxiety, maybe?
But everything I want is on the other side of fear. This phrase has become my mantra or motto (or both? Is there even a difference?) over the past year or so. Because it is SO true! I'm never going to get anywhere in life if I don't do scary things. Even if that scary thing is simply texting/talking to a cute boy. Or wearing that outfit that I'm not 100% sure about. Saying hi to that person that I think is really cool. Giving my number to a cute server at a restaurant. Or having to face someone who's heart you broke. Or someone who broke your heart. Or owning up to a bad thing that you did and having to face the consequences of that.
I realized this week, that this past year, I did a lot of scary things with my best friend by my side. She made me brave. I think part of that is because she was always boasting to people that I am such a brave person. Which, I guess is true? That's uncomfortable. But anyway, she made me brave because I knew that she believed in me. I knew that she knew that I could do anything that I wanted to do. And even if I was scared, I would do it anyway. Because otherwise, nothing gets done! But, now that she is a whole state away from me, I'm not quite as brave. And that was a weird thing to realize. I never really thought that I had grown quite so dependent on having a partner in crime. And now that she's far away... how am I going to cope?! Just kidding, I'm sure that I will figure it all out. It's just going to take some time to figure out how to grow back into my Self.
I guess my point to this is that it is SO easy to just get in a groove and to stay in your comfort zone. It's so easy to do nothing, but you can't get anywhere if you don't do SOMETHING. There is this Netflix Original, "Unbreakable: Kimmy Schmidt", that is absolutely HILARIOUS, but there is an episode where she talks about how she would take things 10 seconds at a time. See if you can get through ten seconds, and if you could, try another ten seconds. Then another ten seconds. And so on and so forth. When I was watching that episode, I thought it was a charming little idea. But, I've found myself thinking back on that a lot. Especially when I am in an uncomfortable situation. And I find myself counting to ten. It really does help!
So, talk to the cute boy. Go after the promotion you want and think you deserve. Say your sin out loud and figure out what you need to do about it. Wear that outfit. Hold your head up high and just feel out the situation. And when in doubt, count to ten. :)
Reille K. :)