Since I'm almost positive no one reads this... Hopeless.

I will always be totally in love with this one guy from my past. Always. No matter how many times I try to make myself stop. Make myself believe that I don't. Tell myself it's never going to happen. 


If I even hear his name, he is then all I think about. ALL. I. THINK. ABOUT. For at least a week. 


He's my constant daydream. He frequents my asleep kinds of dreams too.


It's starting to drive me absolutely BONKERS. bananas. nuts. crazy. any and all other adjective that people are driven to. He goes to one of the other high schools in town, so I don't see him very often. And it kills me. 


He's incredibly great, and all of my friends seem to dislike him, but I don't have the problems that they do. 


Also. I want to go to Prom. But I want to go to Prom with someone I really like. I want it to be the magical night it is in the movies. I want it to be a night I'll never forget. But, seeing as Prom is next week and I've told people that I don't want to go to Prom because it happens to be my 18th birthday that day... I don't see that happening. But OH, if the stars aligned and that guy from my past were to show up on my doorstep that night and whisk me away to Prom, I would never stop smiling. EVER. I would take the chance I should have last year. I would set things in motion. If it didn't work out, I wouldn't feel like we're a loose end. A maybe someday. A could happen. 


Even if we didn't go to the actual Prom and just... hung out. Maybe even made it an actual date? Even if we just stargazed together (one of my frequent daydreams), then I would be extremely happy. 


*sigh* It probably won't happen. 
*sigh* I'll live if it doesn't.
*sigh* I just want to know where I stand with him.
*sigh* I just want to see if it would go anywhere.
*sigh* I really just kinda want to wait for him on his mission. Send him off... write letters... wait anxiously for his return for two years and be so overjoyed when he comes down that escalator and run to his open arms and just feel complete again...


I really am a hopeless romantic. Too bad I have no one to be hopelessly romantic with. 


Hopelessly yours, 
           Reille K.

A lovely song.

A Light on a Hill By: Jenny Phillips 

You are just one light in the darkness
Traveling by faith
But just one light
Is hope to the ones who’ve lost their way

[Chorus]
You are a light on a hill
It cannot be hidden
Cannot be still
Sharing His light
‘Til the whole world is filled
You are a light on a hill

In a world that’s lost and lonely
Heaven works through you
Bringing hope to those who are searching
For the truth

[Chorus]

Father rejoices on high
For the beauty that fills up your life
In all that you do
You have been true
And others can see Him through you

[Chorus]

There's a link to the Youtube video here...

I absolutely love this song. It's this year's theme song for camp. While I'm not going to camp, I find that this year, the message they are trying to send is one that all of us could use a little more of. We need to share our light and lift up others around us. This is the last dispensation, we have a responsibility to "share His light 'til the whole world is filled." Whether we are formally called missionaries that go out and serve for two years, or member missionaries, we have to share our light.

Judgy. Realizations. Just a bit of everything.

As the end of high school nears, I come to realize that I could have done things much differently. I wish I would have been less:
-judgmental
-not willing to get out there.
-unwilling to get to know certain people/types of people.
- and a whole slew of other things.
-fearful of EVERYTHING.

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.". -Franklin D. Roosevelt (his memorial in D.C. Is absolutely fantastic, btw.)

I mostly just wish I would have gotten to know more people and realized that I wanted to before it was too late and that I have a lot more in common with these people I call peers than I originally thought. We have the same goals, wants, thoughts, wishes, desires, tastes, etc.

"The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about." -Dr.Wayne Dyer

I wish I would have gotten off my high horse wayyyy sooner and been everyone's friend, always. Been more open to other people and their ideas. Basically, everything. I just could have done this whole "high school" thing a lot differently, and I'm recently realizing this. It would have been a slight more amount of effort, but I think it would have been worth it. I just got complacent and thought that my friends from Jr. High were all I would ever need. I didn't really join any clubs, where I would meet new people. I always wanted to do things with one of my good friends/best friends at my side, and if they weren't feeling it, I wouldn't do it either. I have made some new friends since Jr. High, but I feel like I happened upon them, with sheer luck, rather than seeking them out. I do feel pretty lucky to have found them, as I consider them some of my favorite people.

But there are those that I wish I would have gotten to know. I don't really want to name any names, to spare my pride, but I have a mental list. I don't really have a lot of guys friends though, which seems to be one of the roots of my issues with life. The result of this is that I have only been to one boys' choice dance, and that was with one of my very best of guy friends (and really the only one I've made since the good ole days). My 18th birthday and prom are on the same day this year, and I've yet to be asked, I don't know that I really wish to be asked right now, and I just don't really know about prom. Last year it was a bit underwhelming, but we had a small group so we were all a bit... A lot more self conscious about everything dance wise. But, it's cool, I have plans to watch a scary movie with my good friend Brit. Which I've been wanting to do for AGES, but Chels won't go near a scary movie, and I'm not about to go watching one by myself!

I just wish I would have plucked up the courage to strike out on my own terms and do things long before now. Things that are beneficial to me, at least. I have done things on my own before, I just... I don't know. I feel like I could be in a totally different place right now if I had made some different choices.

Well, that's it for tonight, hope you all have a dandy day!.... Errr, night. :)

Life is SCARY.

It is. Really. And as Graduation is ohhh, less than two months away, it's getting even scarier.

I have to register for college this week.
I have to get a job to pay for said college... ASAP.
I have to get through the rest of high school unscathed.
I have to ask a boy to Morp who I maybe, sort of like. A little.
I have to try to navigate through this crazy thing called "Adolescence". (Which, in case you were wondering, is the stage of life that you're an adult to some people and a kid to others so everything is super confusing and crazy and weird. Learned about it in Sociology.:))
I have to make it to my next doctor's appointment and...
I have to make an improvement before said doctor's appointment.
I have to stop wishing for my novel romance so maybe one day it'll happen.
I have to have to courage to make life happen.
I have to be less intimidating. (HA! I don't know how this would ever happen, since I don't think I'm intimidating at all... but I guess I could... try... to improve... on things.)
I have to work out all my issues.
I have to improve myself spiritually.
I have to do a lot of things. Just. A ton.
And writing things down for others to maybe see sometime kinda helps. I guess.
I have to improve on my blogging skills. I really want to be a legit blogger. I love the concept of blogging, and I just wish I didn't feel like a total derf when I did it.

All in all, we're all scared. Life is scary.

Who needs a title?

So, remember when I was going to go to Utah State and I was so excited? Well, it's not happening anymore. 


I realized that I wasn't going there for the right reasons, not to mention that I'm dirt poor and I don't especially want to put myself into debt right out of high. Not that much debt, at least. 


I'm going to Utah Valley University instead. Right here in little ole' O Town. And I'm staying at home. Which, really isn't so bad, since I'm the youngest. I have the entire downstairs to myself. I have my own bathroom. And my parents are pretty chill to begin with. 


Less money spent is a good thing. I can still get to the same place in life while staying down here. 


Also, Pinterest? Will be the death of me. I spend way to much time on there. And then I get ideas for projects I want to do that I prolly won't ever do. Except! For the pillows and canvas ideas. I'm TOTES redecorating my room this summer, and I'm so excited! I can ACTUALLY enjoy my new room (another upside of staying home for college).


Anyway, I'll brainstorm and write another blog post later. I'm no good at this business of blogging. 


Lates! :)

too many to count. :)

Remember how I couldn't decide what to blog about? Now I have a whole big list of things to say. I would make this really fancy and spend a ton of time on it, but alas, I'm going to a movie in approximately two hours. Ha! 

First: I wrote this in my journal on sunday and it seemed like a good thing to share, especially with my seminary buddies. 
Spiritual Death and Spiritual Rebirth. To be truly converted to Christ, and be able to really come to know Him, we must have a spiritual death. And from this death comes a rebirth. Once you know your lowest low, you can rise to you highest high and be forever converted to the gospel. Everyone has a conversion to the gospel, whether they grew up in the church or not. At one point or another, each and every member has a conversion and is able to come to know the Savior and the Heavenly love that surrounds them at all times. 
This this spiritual rebirth is generally when a lot of people, not all, but a lot, have their conversion. A conversion is that moment when you think to yourself, "This is the GREATEST feeling EVER. I don't know where I would be without this church and I know, without a doubt, that I never want to leave it," and make that silent vow to never sin again. We all make this vow at one point, be it at Girl's Camp, Scout Camp, EFY, or possibly even on your mission. And this vow, is going to be broken. None of us are perfect yet. That's what we are here for. We are here working towards perfection so as to enable us to live with God and Jesus Christ once more.
Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are those who have a gradual conversion. These are those who can't necessarily chalk up their surety of the gospel to one significant moment, but are still able to proclaim to others that they know the truthfulness of the gospel and believe in Christ. This type of conversion is just as wonderful as the big moment conversion, maybe some could perceive it as more wonderful, as this conversion gives more little memories that taste so sweet (yes, memories have flavors, think about it. There are sweet memories, bitter memories, salty memories, etc.). The only thing that really matters is that WE ARE CONVERTED. Most important part. 
Now, if you've had your conversion, and have gone on to lose sight of your goals and your spirituality has dipped down, don't fret. That's what repentance is for! Once you're able to rediscover that desire in your heart, you've taken  the first step towards getting back on the path, which is a great little metaphor for life, when you think about it. Paths can be smooth, bumpy, rocky, there could be thorns, and other various adjectives that are often used to describe paths. Life is the same way. 


It doesn't matter how you get there, as long as you get there.


Second: This is a baby one. But really not, as it pertains to my future... I was officially accepted to UTAH STATE UNIVERSITY!!!!! I'm now an Aggie! I'm sooooooo excited. So so so excited. I can't wait! :)


I'll work on the other subjects, they have pictures and things. :) Plus, I'm super tired. Ice skating takes a lot out of you, especially when you can't do it. 

caught in limbo.

I've been feeling the urge to blog lately, but I can't decide what to blog about. 


I can easily say that I feel caught in limbo. With boys, with friends, with school, with life in general. 


But at the same time, I feel completely at ease. 


I suppose I'm feeling the need for a change. 


Change. Change. Change. 


I took the first step towards college today. I applied for USU, the college I plan on attending. Maybe this will bring about that change I was talking about, maybe not. 


I think it's time for a bowl of Tillamook's Grandma's Cake Batter Ice Cream and then I'm off to bed. :) I'll blog again when I have a specific idea in my head.