I will always be totally in love with this one guy from my past. Always. No matter how many times I try to make myself stop. Make myself believe that I don't. Tell myself it's never going to happen.
If I even hear his name, he is then all I think about. ALL. I. THINK. ABOUT. For at least a week.
He's my constant daydream. He frequents my asleep kinds of dreams too.
It's starting to drive me absolutely BONKERS. bananas. nuts. crazy. any and all other adjective that people are driven to. He goes to one of the other high schools in town, so I don't see him very often. And it kills me.
He's incredibly great, and all of my friends seem to dislike him, but I don't have the problems that they do.
Also. I want to go to Prom. But I want to go to Prom with someone I really like. I want it to be the magical night it is in the movies. I want it to be a night I'll never forget. But, seeing as Prom is next week and I've told people that I don't want to go to Prom because it happens to be my 18th birthday that day... I don't see that happening. But OH, if the stars aligned and that guy from my past were to show up on my doorstep that night and whisk me away to Prom, I would never stop smiling. EVER. I would take the chance I should have last year. I would set things in motion. If it didn't work out, I wouldn't feel like we're a loose end. A maybe someday. A could happen.
Even if we didn't go to the actual Prom and just... hung out. Maybe even made it an actual date? Even if we just stargazed together (one of my frequent daydreams), then I would be extremely happy.
*sigh* It probably won't happen.
*sigh* I'll live if it doesn't.
*sigh* I just want to know where I stand with him.
*sigh* I just want to see if it would go anywhere.
*sigh* I really just kinda want to wait for him on his mission. Send him off... write letters... wait anxiously for his return for two years and be so overjoyed when he comes down that escalator and run to his open arms and just feel complete again...
I really am a hopeless romantic. Too bad I have no one to be hopelessly romantic with.