That was stuck in my head for the last two hours of work tonight. Thanks, Michele.
So... there is this guy that I'm interested in, and my friend has been encouraging me to "get on that" (his words, not mine). But, I don't know, I feel like anything I say to him will be completely awkward and I just... feel like a super dork every time he's around. Now that I've voiced my... desire, for lack of a better word, I feel like there are strings attached. I can't just be normal anymore, because I want something that isn't normal for me. I may seem like I can talk to people and I'm fine, which I can in most cases... but males that are my age... they get me every time. (Unless of course it's one of my two besties with testes. But somehow it was always different with them.)
I don't know... I just feel like this guy is different. I actually have a really weird history with him. We were in the same Kindergarten class, and then he disappeared off the face of the earth only to show up again 12 years later. And I vividly remember having a crush on him then too! It feels almost... surreal how this has all worked out. I feel like I have had a few opportunities to be more than just work acquaintances, as in friends, and every time I just clam up and revert back to my awkward phase when I couldn't even look at guys when I talked to them. I mean, I'm sure no one else notices this or thinks that at all, but on the inside, I just feel like I'm going to die. Don't get me wrong, at this point I feel like it's more of an overly extreme excitement. But... it's killer.
I just don't want to end up like 25 and still unmarried. Immortalizing those that I once thought the world of as demons made of strokes and serifs. I don't think I would be able to handle that at all.
Basically, I've just been loathing my awkwardness lately. And I just want it to go away. And I just want to be the girl I am in all my daydreams. I'm sorry One Direction, but tonight, I'm one of THOSE girls. And tonight, I'll be falling asleep, alone with my thoughts and dreams of not being alone anymore. I look forward to that day more than anything else.
P.S. We got the footie pajamas in at work, and they have SHARK ones! I MUST get some. They would be incredibly hot, but I don't care. I love them already. And I can justify spending $24.99 on them. I really can't... But I want to.