As the dust settles

Alright. Let me preface this by thanking everyone for their overwhelming faith IN ME. I had a good handful of people yesterday that encouraged me to serve a mission, told me that they thought of me when the announcement was made, etc. And I feel honored that I came to so many people's minds, but here's the sitch. 

I was fine, normal even, no great promptings and personal revelations to be spoken of FOR MYSELF. Then, between the two sessions, I obviously got on facebook, and the realization of just how impactful the announcement was, and for how many people. I started thinking about the times I had pondered the idea of going on a mission, and I felt like I SHOULD be feeling the same way as my fellow young ladies of the church. I got caught up in the craziness and excitement of it all, and didn't take the time for myself to stop. Take a breather. Think for myself. I GOT CAUGHT UP IN A RIGHTEOUS MOB MENTALITY (psychology reference! Learn it, live it, love it). I didn't have an unrestricted amount of time after I wrote my last post, as I thought I should focus on getting a grip before I had to go to work at seven. So I just put it out of my mind and went on with my day. Once I got to work, and ended up zoning jewelry, meaning that I was basically alone for almost the entire five and a half hours that I was there, I let myself go back to it (ew, that's a run-on sentence... let's just pretend that didn't happen). I thought about where I was in life. What I had gone through to get to where I am. I thought about where I'm at spiritually, and what I was really feeling. I thought about how I still have six months until I'm even nineteen and how that's the MINIMUM age. 

By the end of work, I had gone in circles and not really came to a conclusion yet. Even though I didn't get home until after 12:30 AM, I pulled out my Patriarchal Blessing and got to work. Some background: I take notes on what I'm feeling and what I get out of my P. Blessing every time I read it. No matter how short/long it's been since the last time. I first read through my blessing. It was the first time I had read through with eyes looking for specific revelation, a specific answer to a specific question. I saw a few things on the first page that COULD indicate a mission, but I saw those through academic eyes, not spiritual ones. I got to the second page. My favorite part, ever since the night I heard it. It talks about my future husband and family. I've always been insanely excited to finally meet the man that it talks about. I finished reading, and then moved on to the notes I've made over time. Reading through them, I had a little baby inkling that I was getting closer to my answer. And last of all, after I had pondered the question and come to the answer I thought was right for me, I knelt in prayer and took it up with my Heavenly Father. And I was surprised by what happened. I prayed first about going on a mission, and I didn't really feel the Spirit, but I felt peaceful. I felt the need to pray about the second page of my P. Blessing though. And the second I finished that specific question, I felt an overwhelming outpouring of the Spirit. I got my answer. 

For now, I'm not going to PLAN on going on a mission. I'm not ruling it out, I'll still hear people out if they want to talk to me about it. And there's no doubt that it would be an amazing experience, and it would definitely make me a better person, disciple, and eventual mother. But, I don't feel like it's exactly my cup of hot chocolate right now. It could be eventually, but I wasn't planning on going on a mission before the announcement. I wasn't planning on getting married before that age either. I don't think that the simple issue of a minimum age should be THE THING that changes my mind. It's not about the age, it's about the personal circumstance. 

30 Day Challenge

It's happening. I'm reading the Book of Mormon in 30 DAYS. It's tough, I'll tell ya that. But, oh my goodness, it is VERY worth it. Already in the past... since yesterday morning, I'm understanding more and making connections on my own. It's like a crash seminary course, all by yourself (when I say 'all by yourself', I mean, no seminary teacher there feeding you the answers or even there to give you any answers, y'know?)
Honestly, I've only had one or two periods where I actually read the scriptures EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. So I think that could be why I feel so darn lazy when I had to read 10 whole chapters yesterday. But, I really feel like this is what I should be doing. This is a good way to kick start the habit, as well as cement it into my daily life. If you do something for fifteen to thirty days in a row, it becomes a habit (apparently). I'm so excited to see who I am after this experience. Hopefully, I'm WAY closer to who I'm meant to be than who I am right now. Not that I'm a bad person or anything (at least, I don't think I'm a bad person) I just have a lot of things that I REALLY needed to work on. Really. Two of them being: {1} Prayer and {2} Reading my scriptures. And ironically, those two things help A LOT with the third thing I really needed to be done with (sorry, it's not really blog appropriate, kinda personal, and I'd really rather not). Those two things give me a strength that I don't know I've ever quite felt before. I've never been much of a pray-er, which I HATE to admit. And it's something I've been struggling with... all my adolescent life. It's not like I don't WANT to pray, I just sometimes (most times) have no clue what to say and I feel silly because a lot of the time, my problems sound so stupid when I whisper them aloud. I know that it's dumb to feel this way too, and I know that God really wants to hear about them and help me. But still. I'm workin' on it. :) 

On to my actual process with the 30 day challenge. 

I start with a prayer. Always. It helps bring the Spirit and I feel it gives me the extra push (probably since I always pray for the motivation to keep this going for the full thirty days). I try to pick out any 'lists' or meanings of the parables/visions and write them in a notebook I keep next to me. Which, I think is very important. KEEP A WRITING UTENSIL AND PAPER OF SOME SORT OPEN AND READY TO WRITE THINGS DOWN. It shows that you're ready to record when inspiration hits. When I kept up that regimen in seminary and actually took notes, I got SO much more out of the lessons than I did when I slacked off and studied for my AP Psych test/did math homework/mythology homework/anything else really. I write down things that I find important to the story line of the scriptures, (yes, there's a story line, I always knew it was there, but now I'm ACTUALLY seeing it for myself). And at the very end, I write down "A QUESTION FOR THE HEAVENS". Which, is a question that, after having read that particular section, I want to ask one of the people involved when I meet them in heaven, whether it relates directly to what happened, or how they felt about something, or why it was them in particular, or what. It helps me to think more deeply about what's happening and relate better. I want to understand, which is a bog part of this whole thing. UNDERSTANDING THE SCRIPTURES. I don't think anyone really treats the scriptures as {books} necessarily. I mean, obviously they are BOOKS. But we would never read them like we read other pieces of literature (i.e. Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, ... Twilight, etc.) And I'm really loving this way of reading them. More like a BOOK. Even if there are times when I zone out a little bit because each section feels so long, or whatever, I'm still getting so much more out of it.